She Feels A Lot Better Now

I know I need to update…I will soon.

There’s so much I want to say about Judi  but I haven’t been able to get my head around all the things I want to say about her.   It hasn’t even sunk in that she’s gone. 

I got to see her last Sunday before she passed away on Thursday.  She couldn’t talk anymore but she knew I was there and responded to me.  She even tried to tell me that she quit smoking.  I’m sure, even in her ill state, Judi HAD to think what a dumbass I was to say what I said to her when she could only get out the word “quit” to me regarding her smoking cessation once she learned she had Multiple Myeloma.  (Brace yourself…this is a humdinger of a dumb thing to say). 

“Don’t you feel better?”

I bet she wanted to say, if she coulda “Yeah, Sharon…never felt better! Pass me some morphine.” 

Gah.

Dear Judi…you do realize I was trying not to cry while sitting at your bedside, right?  That seeing the one woman in the world that I know that could do positively anything?  The most energetic woman on the planet, whose picture should be in the dictionary next to “Multi-tasking”…the woman who always encouraged me…really and truly like a second mother to me…The woman from whom I learned the secret of good sausage balls and how to make a good cup of coffee…could do everything but beat cancer.

Now, I will tell you that through this whole journey, I never once sensed an ounce of fear from Judi.  Her faith was as strong, steady and real.  There was something beautiful about that bedside scene (even with me saying STUPID things).  To see Judi’s children, grandchildren, husband of 52 years all around her, caring for her, loving her…

My beautiful daughter has memories from her early childhood of being at Gee and Gee Ga’s.  She was reminiscing about losing her top, front tooth at their house. She and Tyler both have strong memories of this at Gee’s house:

This is Gee’s Toy Closet.  Those toys in there all belonged to her kids and grandkids.  I have a picture somewhere of Baby Tyler on that green carpet playing with that red apple.  Me, my sister and Judi’s son Darrin played many rounds of Operation with that very game there. 

Tara honored Judi/Gee yesterday by singing for her funeral service.  I was so proud of that kid, I swear.  I know Judi was too. 

My Memory Closet of Judi is so big, I will have to periodically write something about her.  She was so huge in my life from the time I was 3 or 4  years old.  She was a huge influence on me in so many ways, not least of all in being a Mom.  I loved her dearly.  Don’t have the words yet to say how much I will miss her. 

Judi promised me that she would tell my Dad hey for me and that me and her would bump into each other again.

~ by sistasmiff on July 20, 2009.