Archive for February, 2006

Da Bachelor

I’m glad Travis picked Sarah.

I think MOAN-a summed up why ol Trav’ didn’t pick her….nice guys like that don’t marry girls like her.

I wondered the whole time what this “connection” they both kept claiming was. Moanin’ Moana is a lovely girl. She is no Sista Smiff, but, then who is??? I think the connection was a connection in the literal sense. If’n ya know what I mean. :wink wink:

A Streptococcus Among Us?


After last week’s nightmare visit to TENNESSEE URGENT CARE (remember, do not go there) I finally got the Princess into a REAL doctor’s office. Our new doctor is out Hendersonville Hospital so Friday afternoon the Princess and I went to the new place.

Friday night, the Middle School had a dance and it started at 6 and our appt. was at 4:45 so there was some panic on the Princesses part of whether she’d make it right at 6. (God forbid she be two minutes late) So she was dolled up, all ready for the dance when I took her for her appt. We musta looked ridiculous going in with her and her makeup (don’t get me started on that) and she had used the hair crimper. Of course, she felt just dandy and I’m wondering if the Nurse Practitioner lady even believed she had been feeling bad and hackin’ up a lung all week.

I had a hoot of a good time filling out the new patient paperwork and asking the Princess if she had had blood in her stools? Anal itching..things of that nature. Sometimes I amuse myself so.

Now #2 Son has what I suspect is Strep. I can’t even remember how I figured out he might be sickly and what made me decide to feel his glands. Funny, how moms just know when their kids are sick. His throat feels like he has golf balls in it. No fever and he’s happy as a lark, as usual. He had strep twice in the fall.

The sickest I have ever been was 5 years ago when I had strep. I’d never had it before and my gosh….who could think a throat could hurt that bad??? I remember when my doctor asked if I wanted a pain killer, I wanted to kiss him. It felt like somebody had struck a match and was just holding it inside my throat. It weren’t fun.

Darren McGavin-RIP



Geez….a bad weekend for losing legends and memorable characters.

Darren McGavin worked steadily in Hollywood for over 50 years but I guess he’ll be forever carved into everybody’s memories as the Dad in “A Christmas Story,” fighting the !@#$%&* furnace, the Bumpusses dogs and the Leg Lamp….”Frajeeeelay.”

Don Knotts RIP


Just signed on to the computer and saw that everybody’s favorite deputy and everybody’s favorite landlord, Don Knotts aka Barney Fife/Ralph Furley has died. Yes, he was 81 years old and had lived a long and frutiful life, but somehow, the world without Don Knotts is kinda hard to imagine.

I grew to love the Andy Griffith Show through Mr. Smiff. I’d watched it since I was a kid but he turned me on to the show, the brilliance of the writing and characters and since we’ve been married, nigh coming on 17 years, it’s been part of just about the only routine, organized happening at our house, to watch Andy before we go to sleep.

I came to appreciate that Don Knotts was more than just Barney Fife through my love of classic television and seeing old Steve Allen shows. I love the “Man on the Street” and the little nervous guy character he did. He was brilliant.

I actually got to see Don Knotts, not too long ago in the summer of 2004. The Mayberry Crew was appearing at one of their festivals and they were at the Grand Ole Opry. Mr. Smiff was still playing with Mike Snider and they were playing that night and it just so happened some relatives of mine were in from California and Hawaii and they wanted to see the Opry. I didn’t even know Don Knotts was going to be there until I got there.

Mr. Smiff was on an earlier spot and really wanted to see Don Knotts up close. He rarely gets excited or starstruck about celebrities he runs into, in fact, the only time I’ve ever heard him comment about being impressed with famous people he’s seen at the Opry all the years he played out there just about every week (beginning in 1979) was Nolan Ryan and Andy Griffith.

He was told the Mayberry Gang would be there for the second show, so Mr. Smiff went ahead and left for a bite to eat. Because a couple of them were in somewhat frail shape (Howard Morris aka Ernest T. Bass was there and in obvious bad health) they only did the one spot. Mr. Smiff got back and found out the Mayberry Bunch was already gone, he was devastated. He did see Doug Dillard but he’s been a friend and compadre for many years so, nothing against Doug, but….

Me and the Princess got to see Don Knotts, though. She was so excited when she realized that Don Knotts was Mr. Furley. I told her to take it in because someday she would be able to tell her children she saw Don Knotts in person.

A Prayer Request

BusyMom’s post today about mishead words made me think of something pretty amusing.

My dad was quite funny. Somtimes he meant to be and other times he didn’t mean to be funny. One time at Wednesday night prayer meeting at church during Prayer Request Time, he meant to be serious when he requested prayer for a medical test he was going to be having. What he MEANT to say was that he was going to be having his uvula biopsied. Instead, he asked the Prayer Warriors who had gathered, to pray for him, as he was going to be having his vulva biopsied.

Yes, he did.

After the service, Jesse Frank (who is in Heaven now and probably still not over this one) took Dad aside and mentioned to him that he did not posess a vulva because he was a male.

Another funny public prayer request was made by my cousin in lawwhen she was a little girl, asked a similar Wednesday night prayer meeting crowd, to pray for her Aunt Hazel because her bra strap was getting so tight.

God has got to have a sense of humor.

A Look Inside the Modern Kitchen

I guess my attempt to emulate my culinary hero is all shot to hell now.

I love to cook. This does not mean I prepare a seven course meal on a nightly basis, but I enjoy playing in the kitchen and have been known to fix some pretty fabulous meals.

Last night, I was pretending to be Rachael, chopping up my little onions on my nifty Pampered Chef cutting board, about to wow my kids with one of their favorite things I make. Chopping and chopping all perky like Ms. Ray I go. I had also put some peas on the back burner of the stove. (I hate peas, my kids love them. I don’t get this but that’s another blog for another day) Cut the peas on and I’m chopping on the cutting board, which I had strategically placed on my smooth top stove. (Another great invention)

I began to wonder why the butter was not melting in the peas. I had cut the burner on? At that very second, I started to smell plastic and smoke began to rise (nice aroma). #1 Son had walked in right before and was there to witness the whole thing. He was giving me that look that 14 year old boys are so good at and I turned to him and said “Watch me Son. Watch me and learn.”

The Cheeseburger Pie turned out fabulously in spite of the cutting board snafu. I put a little Worcesteshire in mine to give it a little more flava.

This Is Love

I had to go to the dentist yesterday to get my teeth cleaned. I’ve gotten to where I dread the dentist because they tend to want to drill my teeth and then me pay them for that. I think it should be the other way around. I got way more than my teeth scraped and cleaned yesterday though.

I got to the office a few minutes before my appointment. There was a sign on the front desk telling me they were at lunch and would be back at 1:30 so, sit down and wait.
I found me a People magazine and was reading the latest about Brad and Angelina’s “love” when the door opens and a man and woman, who appeared to be in their mid to late 60’s, came in. It was obvious that the lady was not well. The man was behind her and had his arms around her waist guiding her through the door, helping her to walk. I’m not a medical person but I would guess the lady probably suffers from Alzheimers or has had a serious stroke at some point. She was dressed rather nice in a velour-type sweatsuit and even had earrings on. After he got her up the stairs and through the door, which was quite an ordeal, the man sat the woman down and he sat in the chair next to her. Once he got situated, he sat back and looked at her, smiled and tenderly put his hand on her cheek. He was talking to her and she just looked at him, not able to really talk to him but it seemed she was hanging on every word.

I have no idea who this couple is but I tell you what, they reminded me of what love and marriage are really about.

Watching The Bachelor the other night, Travis, in trying to make his decision about which bimbo to bring home to Mama, said something like “It’s all about my feelings at this point.” Poor guy. If he builds who he’s going to spend the rest of his life with based on feelings, it’s not going to be a strong union. Your feelings change from moment to moment. Love is a choice.

It’s day after day, year after year, sickness, health and taking your wife to the dentist to get her broken tooth fixed, probably caused by a fall and being her voice because she can longer speak for herself and treating her, even in her frail state, as though she were the Queen. It was precious.

Urgent Care is a Bad Thing

Don’t and I repeat DON’T go to the Walk In Clinic that’s near Rivergate by Home Depot…Tennessee Urgent Care, I believe it’s called.

I take the Princess there yesterday evening because she’s been coughing and hacking and just plain not feeling good for a few days. I did not want to, but since our longtime family doctor up and retired on us we had no choice. (It would’ve taken 3 or 4 days just to get a call back from the new one).

We arrive at 5:10. There’s a pretty good roomfull of folks (actually, everybody and their redneck cousin was there). We fill out the paperwork, pay the $50 copay (say WHAT?) and wait.

They have a sign on the wall that says something about “Don’t be alarmed if somebody hasn’t been here as long as you have is called before you.” They called a few people before us and because I’m a good girl and follow directions, I was not alarmed.

They kept calling all these other people back and there we sat. Finally, after an hour and a half, I ask the girl (who we had been sitting right in front of after all this time) how much longer and she says “What’s the name?” I tell her and the nurse says “There’s no chart here.” I was determined not to pitch a fit and make a scene. The thing that got me was the lack of apology I got. It didn’t matter I had sat there that long and the receptionist had messed up and put our chart in the wrong place. I collected my $50 and we left.

I learned a couple things in the process…one, I need to grow a set of testicles and two, Tennessee Urgent Care….don’t go there unless you’re behind on your people watching.

Is There Such A Thing As Too Good?


When I heard Martina McBride was releasing a cd of classic country songs, nobody was happier than I. Martina is an incredible vocalist and I think has wasted her time doing those crappy, sappy, pop-schlop numbers she’s been so fond of in recent years. (If I hear one more song about a daughter, I will shoot myself)

I’m all about old country music. The crap that comes out of Music Row today is so lame. (ex. Badonkadonk and Ms. SugarPits Girl) Stand any of the garbage Music Row produces today up against a Hank, Sr. song, or Hank Snow or Buck Owens, etc. they would kick their ass.

So I get this cd and look at the titles, which happen to be some of my absolute most favorite songs ever written: “Today I Started Loving You Again,” “Help Me Make It Through The Night,” “Once A Day,” “You Aint Woman Enough,” and a bunch of others. I am pumped. She even had Marty aka “Dandalion” Stuart write the liner notes….Dolly and Dwight both throw a little harmony in there. The stage is set for brilliance. So why am I left thinking “Ok, it’s going to get really good in a minute?”

The tracks are great, her voice is great…but she sings so perfectly that it’s like she went off and left her soul home that day. Her version of “You Aint Woman Enough” sounds exactly like what it is: a white, middle class girl from the Midwest, singing a Loretta Lynn song. Hear me, I’m not trying to compare Martina’s recordings to the originals……no way. I’m all for different interpretations of art and love to hear different takes on stuff. (Unlike moldy, old figs who are anti anything done in the last 40 years).

It’s so stinkin’ flawless and perfect. Maybe I have an inner, subconscious thing against Martina because everything about her is so seemingly perfect?? Yeah, that’s it. She’s got the husband (ok I have one of those too) the three little cherub kids (I got them too) this amazing voice and pencil thin figure (I have a “decent” voice at best and the only thing pencily about me is, well, nothing.)

Maybe that’s why my favorite singer types are the ones that aren’t so perfect….like Skeeter Davis, for example. How she made a long, succesful career as a solo artist is a miracle but she was one of the best. She made ground-breaking records that crossed over the oceans and the charts. She didn’t make the best choices in men (She married Ralph Emery, for the love) she got kicked off the Opry once for badmouthing the Nashville Police Dept. for arresting Jesus Freaks. She was this hip, unique, Buddy the Elf type of person who I miss.

Like Larry the Cable Guy said, “Martina McBride can sing but she aint no Skeeter Davis.”

Go Kinky


I wish I lived in Texas so I could vote for the Kinkster.

Anybody who could write a song like “They Ain’t Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore” or “Get Your Bisquits in the Oven and Your Buns In the Bed” and who is for gay marriage because they “deserve to be miserable like the rest of us”, deserves to be the head honcho of the Lonestar State.

If you want to see something funny, watch the reality series they’re doing on CMT on Kinky’s campaign. The guy is so funny but he’s also very smart and practical. I hope he wins.

February 19, 1992



Lots of stuff has happened since February 19, 1992. It’s odd to think it’s been 14 years since I saw my dad. At the same time, I see him everyday, especially in my two boys. One looks exactly like him and the other acts exactly like him. Sometimes, I see him when I look in the mirror.

At church today, they sang an old hymn, “Send The Light” and on the part where the bass part echoes, I heard my dad. One of my favorite things is when we sing one of those old hymns and I can swear I hear his baritone/bass (whatever he was in the mood for).

I inherited lots of things from, namely his fair skin, his twisted, sometimes off the wall sense of humor, his Attention Deficit, his eyes, the tendency to analyze everybody and everything and other things. I think the thing I’m most grateful I inherited, or learned from him, is the importance of placing my faith in God and the importance of committing each and every day to Him.

He was a dandy.

No Bidness Like Show Bidness

The Grascals are trying to get to Boston for a rather large festival today. They rode back from a show in Asheville last night, straight to the airport and their adventure for this trip is beginning to sound a little like “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”

At BNA, the plane had to be stopped and started a few times to reboot the computers (that’s comforting) and for de-icing. They missed their connection in DC. Had to go through security twice and now will have to go through New York then to Providence then to rent cars.

Stories like this remind me why I never pursued music as a career. It’s so glamorous.

The Ghost of Ted Baxter Spotted In Nashville

Ted Baxter is alive and well and living in Nashville. I know cause I saw him at the hair salong this evening. “Ted” is a tall, somewhat handsome feller and he still really, really likes himself. He was well dressed, perfectly coiffed and on the prowl.

Ted was waiting his turn and was sitting next to an attractive young woman, who was decked in foils. He struck up a conversation with her and was working the old Baxter charm. I heard enough of the conversation to hear him ask about her line of work. The exchange went something like this:

God’s Gift To Humanity: “What DOES an accountant do?”

Attractive Young Lady: “There are different types of accountants.”

Ted Baxter/Ron Burgundy: ” So, you keep track of people’s money?”

At that moment, Ted/Ron was called back for his appointment, I’m sure, much to the relief of the attractive, intelligent young lady.

Further humoring me, Anchorman was on his way back from the shampoo sink when he stopped in my mirror to take a quick peek. Thought for a minute he was going to give himself the ol’ Pistol Shoot at himself.

Reckon he plays Jazz Flute?

Carlene Carter

I haven’t seen this in the news anywhere, but happened upon it on another website. Carlene Carter has gotten married again.

Her amazing country music pedigree aside (mom June Carter Cash and dad is the still hot and charming Carl Smith) Carlene Carter is one of my favorite singer/songwriter types. Highly underrated as a songwriter, she has written some brilliant songs through the years. “Easy From Now On” (a #1 hit for Emmylou back in the 70’s) has one of the best and most poetic lines I’ve ever heard in a song….”I’ll be flying high in a fandangled sky”…

Carlene’s had her fair share of ups and downs in recent years. She has buried her mother, stepfather, sister, longtime boyfriend and step mother, all in the span of less than two years. She’s fought the law and the law won, but, she’s clean and sober and I saw her brilliantly portray her mother this past summer in the play “Wildwood Flowers.” Good for her.

Good, Good Ivy

Ivy’s not so bad. She showed me how to do this. I still haven’t figured out how to add links to my favorite blogs yet but I’m a’working on it. Thank you, Ivy.