Archive for May 23rd, 2006

Feminine Protection?!??!!

I guess I’m being smited for putting graffiti on the maxi pad box at Forest Hills Baptist Church when I was about 6 or 7. I just got paid back.

The maxi pad box, where I work, just attacked me. This receptacle is not secured as it should be and has a tendency to come out of its compartment when it’s touched. It’s a big, metal box. This isn’t some Rubbermaid, plastic thing here.

A couple of ladies on this floor have been hit in the head with it (don’t ask how that happened) and just now that dang thing landed on my big, nicely French pedicured toe. It’s a wonder I didn’t scream obscenities. It HURT. Now I’ll have a nice black mark to start swimming pool season with.

What’s worse is co-worker Elizabeth heard the whole commotion and thought that was the funniest thing. She was just laughing her head off. I told her she would next be smited for laughing at my infirmity. Here, this woman picks up stray dogs off Gallatin Rd. and finds homes for them and yet, doesn’t have the mercy of a bottlecap at the fact that the maxi pad box caused me injury. What is this world coming to?

Co-worker George comes out of his office and offers me much mercy and said he hates it when people get hurt and there’s always somebody around that will laugh like they’re watching a Monty Python movie. I hate that too…what’s up with that? He said one time he was trying to show his mother in law how to swing a golf club and she got him in the head, busting his noggin open and there’s he’s bleeding and she’s just laughing like crazy.

I want my workman’s comp!


What A Way To Go

Mr. Smiff and gang are at it again. Out traveling the highways of the good ol US of A, proving once again that show business is without question, THE most glamorous field one can go into.

Mr. Smiff and band were traveling to Branson, MO, Sunday night to work all this week at Silver Dollar City. I’ve never had the pleasure myself, but, hear Branson is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. There’s not an interstate that goes into it and it’s just a pain to get to. I’d love to go see the The Baldnobbers Jamboree or maybe Yakov Smirnoff yucking it up and especially The Elvis Experience. Maybe next time. I really would love to go to there sometime, but, I’m sure by the time I get there, everything will be gone and all that will be left is remnants of Andy Williams’ theater, kinda like the remnants of the Grizzly River Rampage are still at Opry Mills. (Look for an Opryland post very soon)

Said Grascals were making their way to the Ozark’s mecca of showbiz late Sunday evening and they have some alternator trouble. I don’t know, nor do I need to know, the story of how they made it from the middle of nowhere and found a Uhaul truck, but, I’m sure it was colorful. Something in me pictures thoughts of “Deliverance” on a dark, Missouri road, late at night..Deliverance or the Darlins….anyway,

For the last hour or so of the ride into Branson, the guys are forced to take a Uhaul truck, with their trailer hooked up to the back AND some of the guys riding in the back of the truck. This absolutely cracks me up. Remember in “Home Alone” when John Candy, as leader of a polka band, offers Kevin’s mom a ride and it’s in the back of Uhaul?? I doubt these guys were playing Christmas carols on their way into town. I think it was probably more of a cuss-fest than a time of shoutin’ and praises to the Lord.

They’re doing three shows a day and something else about Branson is there’s not much in the way of cell service. I have tried to talk to Mr. Smiff I don’t know how many times and everytime, about as far as we get is “Hello?!” If I’m lucky, I do get to hear the VERY LOUD train whistle from Silver Dollar City. They’ve got them lodging in some sort of cabin dwelling and for some unknown reason, their telephone was removed yesterday. ??

I called him yesterday afternoon and he answers and I hear all this racket in the background and he says “Know where we are? In the back of a Uhaul going to the show!!” They have to keep the door up a little because Danny the mandolin player had a near suffocation experience riding in a Uhaul once.

Yes, kids…show business is glamourous. The glitz and glamour of it all is what keeps Mr. Smiff going after so many years. Last week, they were traveling in a custom bus, with television and dvd player, all the comforts of home…this week, in the back of a Uhaul.