Everytime I see those commercials for Jensen Shoes, and Mr. Jack telling us he’s a registered Pedorthist, I laugh. Not because I enjoy making light of those who have odd feet, that must be a bitch to deal with. Not much normal about me, but, I do have normal feet, for which I am grateful.

I laugh because everytime I see that commercial, or hear him on the radio, I think of this girl I knew in 5th grade. Her name was Suzanne and SHE had weird feet, thus, making her one of Mr. Jack’s regular customers and she was very vocal about the fact that she didn’t get to go to the “normal” shoe stores to buy her shoes, like all of us ultra-cool kids did. “I have abnormal feet. I have to go to Jensens.” Well, praise the Lord!

Suzanne was one of these people that looked at the ceiling when she was talking. You know the type….they look heavenward when making a point. I’ve never understood what causes one to do that. I know she couldn’t hep it, but, it always made me laugh. She was like a little old lady with her bad glasses and even worse permed, short, curly hair (5th grade remember). It was at Suzanne’s house, at her slumber party, where I saw the “Dallas” episode where they revealed who shot JR. (Incase you missed that one, it was Krisitin).

Sadness upon sadness, Suzanne moved before we started Junior High. But, I did get the opportunity to see her again. A couple years later she came back to visit. My friend, Barbara and I hatched this plan to fool poor little, geeky-but-didn’t-know-it Suzanne. (As if Barbara and I had the lock on coolness. Trust me, we did not) We decided we would tell Suzanne that I had gotten married because I was pregnant. (We were clever, weren’t we?) Yes, at 14, I had stumbled into sins path and gotten knocked up. (Writing and remembering this is making me have a gut busting laugh and #2 keeps saying “What’s so funny?” Heh. I ain’t telling him). I didn’t know nothin’ about nothin’ and worse, didn’t even suspect nothin! But back to my pretend marriage. Barbara went and bought one of those $5 rings that could pass for an engagement ring. I can’t even remember what we said my “husband’s” name was but we went through with this devious plan.

It seems like Suzanne may have bought it, but, I don’t know if she did or not. I certainly hope my daughter, who will soon be 13, never takes part in any such hoax and even more so, I hope Suzanne, with her weird feet, has forgotten the stupidity.

How do we know if Jack Jensen is REALLY a “registered pedorthist” anyway?? What if he’s falsely claiming to be this, just as I claimed to be pregnant and married at 14?