Archive for September 18th, 2006

Gassy Barrel

We went to the Music Valley Dr. Cracker Barrel last night, along with the Mother in law and nephew. The service was soooo slow. Unusually slow. I don’t remember ever having it take that long to get served at the Cracker Barrel. That was not the only first I experienced at the CB.

We were seated in the smoking section (it was quicker) at the first table by the kitchen. I was seated next to Mr. Smiff and we were facing the kitchen. There was a table full of people behind me. I didn’t pay any attention to them. I was mostly noticing two tables near us with older people who chain smoked the whole time. At one point, I leaned over to Mr. Smiff and said “I’m so glad they brought them their food so they would put their ciggarettes down for a minute.” I mean, these people were serious about their smoking.

Because it took what felt like 3 hours before our food arrived, I pondered and watched the Chain Smoking Old People, told #2 to sit down about 80 times and waited.

Suddenly, out of the blue, I hear two farts, followed by a dramatic pause and then another. These were not “Oops” kinda farts. These were deliberate, concentrated and well thought out farts. Whoever they belonged to had to think to themselves “I’m in a public place and I have gas that needs to be released. There are people all around me. Do I fart or not? I think I will fart.” Do keep in mind the Fart Owner was directly behind me. I was showered with gas. Strange gas belonging to someone I knew not.

Mr. Smiff’s first reaction was that it was me who delt said fart. Because he spends a large amount of his time traveling with 5 other guys who take great pleasure out of flatulence, it wasn’t quite as disturbing to him as it was me. Welcome to his world. Mother In Law Smiff did not have the blessing of hearing the explosion.

I was so stunned. I was totally unbelieving I had been farted on by a stranger. I didn’t want to turn around and look because I was just so shocked. The daughter thought it was me as well because she said my face turned red. I got so tickled. The Mother in Law also became suspicious that I had lived up to the saying that “The first smeller’s always the feller.”

Praise the Lord and pass the air freshener, the party containing the Farter got up and left. It was almost as if they left us a parting gift. I was still not recovered from the whole experience when Mr. Smiff pointed out that the Farter returned to the scene of the crime to leave a tip. Just as he pointed this out, I took a sip of my drink and proceeded to spew it all over #1 Son and Nephew Smiff. I have never before spit drink on anybody while laughing.

As Mr. Smiff said so eloquently, this guy put the crack in Cracker Barrel.

An Opry Poll

Next week is a busy week for Mr. Smiff and band as all the die hard, bluegrass enthusiasts will converge on Downtown Nashville for IBMA’s(International Bluegrass Music Association) World of Bluegrass celebration. The week culminates in an awards presentation on Thursday at the Opry House.

Mr. Smiff and them are up for three awards, including the prestigious Entertainer of the Year. The people over at the Opry’s website are doing an unscientific poll. Do us a favor and go over there and vote for them.

This reminds me I’ve got to get something to wear to this little soiree next Thursday night. Guess I better get on that.