Archive for November 11th, 2006

Reason #562 Why…

#2 is batting a thousand today.

We’re sitting in Grandma’s kitchen, waiting to go meet the rest of the outlaws for dinner.  #2 is coloring on the floor, looks up, and very, very seriously asks me that question that bonds a mother and son like no other:

              "Mom…what’s a douche?"

"Excuse me?  What did you say?"

He said what I thought he said.  "Where, praytell, did you learn this word?"

As soon as I got that sentence out of my mouth, I knew exactly what he was going to say.   Can you guess?  Yeah.  South Park.

"Son, " I said in my best Harriet Nelson/June Cleaver/Carol Brady/Sista Smiff voice (and trying to keep a straight face), "It is quite personal."  He then said "Do you squirt it?"   I gave up the fight and let the giggles out.  "Is it in a bottle?"  Geez louise.

Riding home in the car a bit ago,  I was sharing this classic Smiff moment with #1 Son, who is holding a grudge that he never saw South Park at that age AND that they always made him play in the outfield during his brief baseball career.  (Issue-Tissue Time for him, too).

#2 then chimes in and says "Mom, are hippies real?"  Why yes, my son, they are.  Just ask your Dad and Uncle Billy.  They can tell you ALL about hippies.  Then #2 says "Mom…were you up with the hippies?"  Say what????

I must look into that V-chip.


A Tired Sista

The Brother In Law Smiff better appreciate his Sista In Law after today.  I’ve spent the whole damn day trying to save the Power Point and FINALLY, thanks to the Good Lawd and the Engineering Brother In Law, I got the memory stick concept.  I leave the technical stuff to my Brutha Kerry.  My head hurts. I don’t do this for people I don’t love. 

In the midst of all this Power Point brouhaha, I went to Target and #2 was in rare form.  He was mad at me because I wouldn’t go to the toy section and see what Transformers he wants for Christmas…THEN I had the audacity to refuse to inspect the football/baseball card section. I still hadn’t saved the "This Is Your Life You Old Fart" Power Point.  As far as #2 was concerned, life was not worth living.  He told me, as I was checking out, "You aren’t making me feel happy."  As if I gave a shiny shit about his happiness at that moment. 

Now, Father In Law Smiff and the Stepmother and Stepsister Smiff have rolled into town and I have to figure out how to awkwardly converse with them over dinner…with no Mr. Smiff in sight.  I’m just glad I wasn’t charged with babysitting them and hauling them around tonight cause that just would not work.  One of them In Law Thangs, ya know. 

They’re nice people.  Just not the easiest to chat it up with.  I can honestly say, I don’t know my father in law any better now than I did the day I first was introduced to him in 1989. Stepmother In Law Smiff is a rather interesting character and let’s just say she and I don’t….relate….yeah, that’s it. We don’t relate.

The Old Fart Power Point is quite amazing, I must say.  The first part plays with Bob Dylan singing Forever Young and then we move to the now part of his life with the Cash version of In My Life.  I get all verklempt every time I watch it.  Damn, I’m good.


A mighty fine and a great big Happy 50th Birthday Howdy today to  the Brother In Law Smiff. This  breaks the pattern of so many people I know turning 40 this year. Little_b_t

Brother In Law Smiff, aka Billy, is a great singer and songwriter.  Maybe I’m biased but he’s written some things that are just Smoking_billy_1 absolutely brilliant in a John Hartford-ish sort of way.  He’s had songs recorded by the Del McCoury Band, Alison Krauss, Randy Travis and a ton of bluegrass artists.

I first met Billy before I ever really talked to Mr. Smiff.  Billy is Station_inn_1975 waaaay chattier than Mr. Smiff is and would pretty much talk to the wall, but, I had struck up a conversation with him down at the Station Inn.  Now, I thought Mr. Smiff was mighty cute and what better way to get to the one you think is cute than the Chatty Brother, right?  I’m sorta on the shy side when it comes to the menfolk and I figured, in my brilliant, wise mind of 20, that if I made friends with the Chatty Brother, Mr. Smiff would be all like "Why, Brother…who WAS that fine specimen of a female you were conversing with?"   Apparently, it worked because when it came down to Mr. Smiff finally putting two and two together as to who I was (there’s a story there I’ll tell later), Billy was rather encouraging saying "Yes, you must get to know her."  Billy_terry_tom

Anyway, Billy’s a great guy and it’s weird to think that he’s 50.  When I met him, he was 32.  That’s pretty frightening.  We’ve all had some fun moments through the years, especially that time at Pigeon Forge where me, Grandma and #2 were "Slidin’ Down the  Mountain".  Oh lord that was funny.  That was one of those moments that remind me how Billy is perhaps one of the funnier people on the planet.    

We’ve all had some rough moments as well, especially during the years Billy and Mr. Smiff had their major label deals get pulled out from under them and other career disappointments.  Billy went through a divorce about 8 years ago that was devastating to him and rather painful to watch unfold. Sometimes life makes us have to go through out and out crap to get to the Good Stuff.  Billy survived that difficult period and now is married to the lovely Marilyn, who is a perfect mate for him. I think we all agree the Happy Billy is a good Billy.   They have the sweetest little 18 month old girl (who digs her Auntie Sista quite a bit…ask Grandma)Billy_mattie Billy_marilyn_boys_wedding_daywho will no doubt keep him forever young.