Archive for February, 2007

Advice To The Lovelorn

This made me laugh.

The Drama Queen was talking about how her best friend’s boyfriend has been asking for advice.  A week or so back, “Jordan” was all in tither because he thought “Brittany” hated him.   The DQ had to calm him down and everything ended up ok.  (Whew)  That somebody is asking my daughter for love advice made me laugh.

Then, she just tells me that Jordan had again asked for Brittany advice.  Brittany told the DQ to tell him that he should “say sweeter things” to her.  Jordan was like “What am I supposed to say?  I’m dumb.”  Sweeter things.  Heh.  For some reason, picturing a 13 year old boy trying to think of sweet things to say and then the 13 year old girl wanting said 13 year old boy to say sweeter things. 

I’m glad I’m not 13 anymore.

Huckleberry Friends

I’m obsessed with this song of late. Amazing that the studio did not want this song in the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, but, director Blake Edwards fought for it. Shows what the studio knew cause it won Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer an Oscar. Take that, Robert Evans and Paramount.  I’m so glad we have guys in suits sitting in big office buildings, who know squat about music deciding what the public will and will not hear.  We’re so blessed.

Cool Quote of the Day

I couldn’t find my Social Security card and I needed it for this new job thing I have.  I spent over an hour in the Social Security office with my number 28 in hand.  Something like that, in theory, shouldn’t take very long to get taken care of.  I think most of the 75 people waiting with me were there for the same thing, yet, it took forever. There was even one guy who came in there who had to have been my age and had never had a Social Security number.  How in the world can one get to be as elderly as me and never have a Social Security number?

Turns out, I didn’t need the SS card anyway.  I had a copy of my birth certificate.  Now, I have to wait for all my paperwork to process and some other stuff.  It could be two weeks or two months before I start the new gig.

The coolest thing said to me today…when I was at my new workplace, the lady who hired me said she got a call from Hutch yesterday who informed her she had made a good choice in hiring his Sista.  She said “If John Hutcheson says I’ve made a good choice, I know I’ve made a good choice.”

Whoda thunk that Hutchmo was so influential in the Gret Stet of Tennessee?

Y’all Dance With Me

Come on now. Don’t be shy. Everybody get up where they are and get your groove on.

Have You Heard The News?

There’s good rockin’  tonight and Your Sista is unemployed no mo’.

I’ve got to get that TiVO so I can keep up with my boy, Regis and my girls on the View. 

Going to do the Happy-I-Got-A-Job dance.

Oscar Thoughts

When Al Gore won his award last night, they put the camera on different ones and I swear, the look on their faces…it was if Jesus Himself was descending the stage.  I thought Melissa Etheridge and her girlfriend was gonna engage in marital relations right there in the Kodak Theater!  Good grief.  The little bit about the music playing was funny.  Too bad he missed his cue.

I thought for sure Eddie Murphy was going to win Best Supporting Actor, but, I was happy that Alan Arkin won.  He was fantastic in that role and he’s been around a long time.  It would’ve been perfect had Peter O’Toole won.

I wish I knew somebody named “Martin” so I could call them “Maw-tee.”   I figured Martin Scorcese would win when Coppola, Lucas and Spielberg came out to present the award.   That was very cool.

Nicole Kidman looks like a very tall, skinny, red headed Asian.

Jennifer Hudson near ’bout came out of that dress during her song.  Now that she’s an Oscar winner, she needs some serious hair help.  I wish she’d have told Simon to kiss her bottom. 

Who was the rather homely guy that was on between commercials, interviewing people?  He was about as exciting and charismatic as a turd in a punchbowl.  They should’ve had Tom Bergeron or somebody like that do that gig.

On the pre-show, there Lisa Ling got the gig interviewing people on the red carpet, had on a gorgeous dress and pretty much pulled her hair back in a ponytail.  I don’t understand that.  To have great hair like that, a cool job like interviewing nominees on the red carpet and saying “I think I’ll just throw my hair up in a ponytail.”  Somebody explain that to me.

Call me crazy, but, I loved the acrobats behind the screen doing the shadow thing.  I thought that was interesting and something different.

Ellen DeGeneres was very good hosting, I thought.  I kinda wondered if Jerry Seinfeld’s purpose for presenting an award was a tryout for next year, incase Ellen doesn’t want to do it again. 

I can’t help but wonder why the Oscars don’t do like the Grammy’s and present all the boring stuff before and do the big ones on the air and make it an hour show? Gosh, that sucker was long. 


I’m pretty tickled to see how the Manchild is progressing on the guitar.  He’s got a natural ability and he’s doing great.

Problem is…if I hear Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” one more time, I’m going to take the gee-tar and beat him over the head with it.  We’re up to time 256 today.  He’s got it down good.  REALLY good.  So good that it’s time to move on to another song.  Another song not by Pink Floyd.  I’ll take Flight of the Bumblebee at this point.


In honor of Eddie Murphy’s most likely win this weekend for Best Supporting Actor, one of my favorite bits he ever did. Dang, it’s funny. Ol’ Ed was still using the “F” word a lot and sho did like to say “shit” back in those days,but, this is funny stuff.

Speaking of Grey’s Anatomy…

If you haven’t watched it yet, then mozy on about your business….la la la la la….

I knew she wasn’t dead, although the whole thing about her being out for a couple hours and then she suddenly starts breathing again and everything’s fine?  No way.  Mr. Smiff’s aunt was caught in a riptide some years ago and basically drowned.  She survived, but, was on a ventilator for DAYS  and she was fortunate to come out with just a little brain damage.  She was able to go back to her life, but, there are parts of her memory that are forever erased.  That part of the show was not realistic, but, I knew she wasn’t dead.  I think I said somewhere else that I bet she tried to kill herself and I was correct there.  Those people oughta hire me to write for them. Gah.

I was surprised that they killed Ellis off.  I’m kinda glad they did.  One, Kate Burton, who plays Meredith’s mother, is not old enough to be her mother (she’s also Richard Burton’s kid. Cool) but that whole character, to me, was not important anymore.  I think in the beginning it was important to establish things but now?  Pssht.  Not neccessary. I would like to see Meredith and her dad form a relationship.

Oh and did you see Oprah’s Oscar special?  Julia and George were pretty funny and reminded me of a couple blogger types getting together the way they were picking at each other.  Nicole Kidman, on the otherhand, needs so badly to get over herself.  I think Russell Crowe felt the same way.  Gag.  Wants a goat so she can make goat cheese….get outta here.  She hung out with that psycho Tom Cruise a day too long.

Aren’t you glad I cover deep subjects here at the Whiff?

On the subject of deep, some of us are meeting at the Mothership at lunchtime today.  I’m not pulling pork, but, I’ll watch them do it. Come by if you’re in the area.

Oh, and I have a job interview today. 

You’re Welcome

Dig if you will, some Maria McKee. Why she isn’t a household name is beyond me.

That Old Time Religion

My Catholic friends, like Busy Mom, are all set for Ash Wednesday.  Her kid is really pumped about it.   CLC is about to give up meat or something for lent.  I don’t think he’s Catholic though.  Lots of Methodists and other protestants do the Lent thing.  I guess there are some Babatists who participate in Lent in some form or fashion.  And that’s just groovy.  I’m kinda glad I don’t have to do a public penance and can confess my sins between me and my Father in private.  Whew!  Rituals are neat though as long as they aren’t just a ritual.

How, you ask, do us uptight, Southern Baptists observe this Lent season?  We give up Wednesday nights to do a dang Easter cantata.  That’s right, a cantata.  Have you ever been part of a cantata?  What in the name of Fanny Crosby IS a cantata anyway?  I don’t know, but, I’m Baptist and that’s what we do.  I guess we can say we’re giving up watching American Idol on Wednesdays during Lent to rehearse the Easter program. 

I just hope come Easter Sunday morning, they’ll sing “Up From The Grave He Arose” cause that song makes me laugh like crazy.  Isn’t that nuts?  38 years old and I just giggle when they sing that song every year.  Like I do when we sing “All Hail the power of Jesus’ name, let angels PROSTATE fall!”  Ree-tard.

I think it would be kinda fun to get boogers ashes on our foreheads, but, I don’t suspect my Baptist church will do that. 

I kid about this and that, but, make no mistake,  I’m glad for this season and I hope for everybody this Lenten season is meaningful and as for me, I’m glad I serve a risen Savior.  Lord knows how bad I need one.

Don’t Spit Into The Wind

Good advice for a Wednesday from Jim Croce:
Don’t tug on Superman’s cape
Don’t spit into the wind
Don’t pull the mask off of old Lone Ranger
And don’t mess around with Jim

You know what I’m so enamored of with Jim Croce? Besides his great songs and voice and all that, is his guitar player. Dude had it going on. I believe his name was Maury and he died in the plane crash with Jim. Jim was 30 and Maury was 24. Geez. They were kids.

Le Yucko

Y’all, this is funny. I hope I can get across to you here how much this grossed me out and made me laugh at the same time.

I went and had my nails done, like I do every few weeks.  You know, you can take the girl out of Brentwood, but, you can never totally take Brentwood out of the girl, sorta thing.  Never mind I never had my nails done until I was 30 and living in Sumner County.  It’s just something I do for myself.  I also have short, stubby fingers and nails make them look somewhat graceful and not manly.

Anyway, I started going to this nail place here a couple months ago .  It’s run by your regular, Vietnamese people.  They start talking their native tongue to each other and I get all paranoid that they’re talking about me.  “Phillip” the nail guy (I love how they always give themselves American names) is a nice little guy, although I can barely understand him and he does have a stutter.  (There’s a sitcom for ya right there….a stuttering Vietnamese feller).  He always knicks my cuticles when he’s doing his thing and it usually brings blood, but, the groovy surroundings and the elevator music renditions of stuff like “Physical” and a revved up version of “Unchained Melody” make up for the physical pain. 

I always get stuck with this guy.  Always.  I think the girl that works in there must hate me and when they see me coming she goes “You get her.  Nah nah!”  He takes forever and it was hotter than hades in there this morning and I’m sitting there wishing the Vietnamese Mel Tillis would hurry up when I notice he has a hair on his chin/neck area.  Not a beard, but, one, single hair.  I thought maybe he was shedding and to my absolute horror, I see that it was sorta like those unwanted boogers I get in the same place, but, I have sense enough to use something on it to get it off.  Mel had let that one hair grow reallllllly long ON PURPOSE.  Part of me wanted to ask him why in the hayell did he have one, long, curly hair growing out of his neck?  Is that some Buddhist tradition?  Is he trying to get in the Guiness Book of World Records for long, single hairs?

I think he was purposely trying to make me gag.  He did a good job of it.  I had noticed it last time I was there a few weeks ago, but, it was much shorter.  What could he be trying to accomplish here? 

There’ll Never Be Anyone Else But You

Wilburn Brothers – 1963 – Show Opening, Song…

Yay…You Tube is finally working right. 

I had the priviledge of knowing these guys, Teddy & Doyle Wilburn, and I’m saying right here and now they belong in the Country Music Hall of Fame.  They started their careers as little boys, singing on a street corner with their family in Missouri.  Roy Acuff discovered them and brought them to the Opry, but, because of child labor laws, they weren’t able to stay on. 

Besides being great singers, they were pioneers in the bidness in so many other ways: music publishing, artist management, country music on television….had it not been for these two, you probably would’ve never known Loretta Lynn or Patty Loveless.  They discovered them both, in fact, they taught Loretta the ins and outs of being a performer and a songwriter.  Teddy helped her with lots of her songs and didn’t take any songwriter credit on them.  He even bought her her first high heeled shoes.  They put so much into Loretta, they pretty much ignored the career of Doyle’s then -wife, (and one of my mother’s closest friends) Margie Bowes, who was, and still is, a phenomenal singer.  They weren’t included in Coal Miner’s Daughter because there was a long going lawsuit between them and Loretta and I don’t think Doyle cared for how they would be portrayed.

After Doyle died in 1982, Teddy lost interest in the music business and concentrated on his antique interests.  Remember the Art Deco shop on Music Row? That was his.  Teddy could’ve remained an important figure in the industry had he wanted to.  It’s a shame he didn’t.  He was very wise.

The brothers were both rather complex characters, both with their own demons, rather on the hot-headed side, but, both great characters and good guys.  I’m proud to have been able to be around them both and have some great memories of being with them and the whole Wilburn clan.

It wasn’t until Teddy died in 2003, at his funeral service, that I realized that he and Doyle had played a big part in my life, on into adulthood in an indirect way.  See, Mr. Smiff worked for the Osborne Brothers for 13 years.  The Osbornes were also discovered by the Wilburns and credit them for every success they had.  So indirectly, Teddy and Doyle were responsible for us eating the first 13 years me and Mr. Smiff were together.  That sorta got all over me that day. 

This is a great clip. 

Ipod Woes

Wonder why my Ipod is insisting on putting Manchild’s stuff on my device?  I mean, I have a diverse musical taste, however, I just can’t get down with “Emo Kid” (actually, that’s the DQ’s), “War Pigs,” Suicidal Tendencies or the Butthole Surfers.  Everytime I hook the Ipod up, it automatically starts downloading (or uploading) everything in the library.  I did the reset thing, but, as soon as I hook it up, here comes Venom’s “Welcome To Hell” on the Sista’s Ipod. 

The Manchild gets all offended when I get mad cause I’m wanting to hear Ella or chill with Eva, I get “Violence Fetish” by Disturbed.  It is quite disturbing.  Sheesh.  I asked him about these songs that are labeled “Explicit” and how come I missed that James Blunt’s “Beautiful” was explicit? The Manchild informs me it has the “F” word in it.

I miss the days when he was first getting into music and he liked “Mmmm-bop” by those cute little Hanson brothers.