Y’all, this is funny. I hope I can get across to you here how much this grossed me out and made me laugh at the same time.
I went and had my nails done, like I do every few weeks. You know, you can take the girl out of Brentwood, but, you can never totally take Brentwood out of the girl, sorta thing. Never mind I never had my nails done until I was 30 and living in Sumner County. It’s just something I do for myself. I also have short, stubby fingers and nails make them look somewhat graceful and not manly.
Anyway, I started going to this nail place here a couple months ago . It’s run by your regular, Vietnamese people. They start talking their native tongue to each other and I get all paranoid that they’re talking about me. “Phillip” the nail guy (I love how they always give themselves American names) is a nice little guy, although I can barely understand him and he does have a stutter. (There’s a sitcom for ya right there….a stuttering Vietnamese feller). He always knicks my cuticles when he’s doing his thing and it usually brings blood, but, the groovy surroundings and the elevator music renditions of stuff like “Physical” and a revved up version of “Unchained Melody” make up for the physical pain.
I always get stuck with this guy. Always. I think the girl that works in there must hate me and when they see me coming she goes “You get her. Nah nah!” He takes forever and it was hotter than hades in there this morning and I’m sitting there wishing the Vietnamese Mel Tillis would hurry up when I notice he has a hair on his chin/neck area. Not a beard, but, one, single hair. I thought maybe he was shedding and to my absolute horror, I see that it was sorta like those unwanted boogers I get in the same place, but, I have sense enough to use something on it to get it off. Mel had let that one hair grow reallllllly long ON PURPOSE. Part of me wanted to ask him why in the hayell did he have one, long, curly hair growing out of his neck? Is that some Buddhist tradition? Is he trying to get in the Guiness Book of World Records for long, single hairs?
I think he was purposely trying to make me gag. He did a good job of it. I had noticed it last time I was there a few weeks ago, but, it was much shorter. What could he be trying to accomplish here?