Archive for March 27th, 2007

Regarding Dancing With The Stars…

I love it.  It makes me want to go dance with Dr. Ming Wang.  Really.  I want to learn the Quick Step.

Thing is, though, it seems to me that a hit show such as DWTS could hire better vocalists to sing with the band.  Who are those people? They are awful!

I’m still waiting for Heather Mills’ laig to fall off right there on live teevee.  Laila Ali is a goddess…John Ratzenberger is a good dancer…Clyde Drexler and Billy Ray Cyrus aren’t…but, it’s a fun little show and a whole lot more interesting than the Sanjaya Show on the other channel. 

Smiff General Hospital-Part Deux

I have received permission from the Mother in Law to tell one of the funny stories from yesterday after her surgery.  She said I could tell it “Cause it’s funny.”

After Hazel had been in the recovery room for a bit, the nurse came to ready her to go home.  (I have to say again how thankful we are that everything went so beautifully).  The nurse recognized Hazel from her Ellen appearances and was asking her about the cheeseburgers she made on there.  She asked us to leave for a minute because she had to do some things that were of a rather personal nature. 

While we were standing outside, Hazel’s preacher and the associate preacher came by.  (I guess other denominations do this, I know the Methodists do, but, Baptists go see their flock when they’re ill or infirmed and that’s good).  Now, Brother Glenn is not one familiar with what Hazel does.  He’s not into country music at all.  He strikes me as a rather serious dude who takes his pastoring very seriously.  He seems to have a decent sense of humor, but, I doubt very seriously you’d ever hear a string of colorful words fly out of his mouth, even in moments of peril. 

Brother Herb is an older gentleman who is everything warm and fuzzy I am reminded of when I think of my denomination.  He’s a very kind, soft spoken, caring guy that I bet gives the little ones at church gum every Sunday.  (Every Baptist church has one of those guys.  It’s Mr. Wayne at mine, but, actually, he gives peppermints.)  Bro. Herb has shown up more than once to family hospital stays and other occasions.  He’s a good man.  People who think all men in the Southern Baptist Convention are pigs who hate women, have never met Bro. Herb. 

Anyway, so we’re standing out in the hall with the Parsons.  Niece Smiff, who is almost two, her father, her grown brother, Mr. Smiff and me…doing the small talk regime you do in situations like that.  Everybody’s watching little Mattie and making comments you make when there’s a toddler toddling about:  “I wish I had her energy”, “She’s busy, isn’t she?”  That sorta thing. 

Suddenly, the door opens and I couldn’t see Hazel so I didn’t go back in the room for fear of being mooned or something.  Mr. Smiff went in (he’s used to surprises with her, I guess).  I then hear my husband so “OH MY GOSH!”  My thoughts ran rampant.  I figured it had something to do with the Holy Temple we call our bodies. 

I’ve been Hazel’s daughter in law for almost 18 years.  I was present in 1997 when they brought her to her hospital room after her heart attack.  The Manchild was then 5 years old.  He was sitting in the corner of the room, facing the bed, when they sat his grandmother on the bed, with her regulation, hospital gown, NOT TIED in the back.  I knew what he was seeing.  Bless him, he said not a word, but, cupped his hands around his mouth and did his notorious Biff Collie Grin and was stifling laughter at being mooned by Grandma.  There are many stories about Hazel in the hospital or sick situations, so I figured Mr. Smiff musta gotten the moon.  I had already her say “The preachas are here.  I got to put my teeth in.”

The reason Mr. Smiff was slightly concerned was because as the nurse was helping Hazel get dressed she announced, loudly, “MY TITTIE IS STUCK TO MY STOMACH!”  I did not hear these now famous words, but, my brother in law (who was standing outside the door WITH the Preacher Men) heard it loud and clear and he’s quite sure that they heard it, too.  Of course, they are far too professional and dignified to crack up on the scene, but, I bet they had a good belly laugh over that once they got in the car. The medical people had actually taped the bosom down cause Hazel is well endowed, y’know.

That’ll teach them to go pray with Hazel Smith immediately following Girlie Surgery!  When one goes to see her in the hospital or when she isn’t expecting you, is bound to be in for a dandy surprise.

Poor Wynonna

wynonna.jpgTurns Turns out the guy she thought was her knight in shining armor….wasn’t so shiny afterall.  It’s really sad.   Say a prayer for her. 

I’ve always felt a teeny bond with Wynonna.  I guess it’s because I remember them before they were famous.  I remember the Judd girls from school and church, but, I have always felt bad for them.  Their crazy mother robbed them of a normal upbringing and they’ve suffered through their adult lives because of it.  I really feel sad for her about this.

The Gooey Butter Cake That Almost Wasn’t

We have discussed here the glories of Paula Deen’s Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake before.  I have finally made another flavor of said Gooey Cake and am here to tell you that it is dangerously good.  I made the Peanut Butter Gooey Butter Cake yesterday and all of the Smiffs (and extended ones) said “Yes” to it.   It sorta reminds one of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. 

I have to tell of how the cake almost was a disaster.  And just like Busy Mom says, I do these things so you don’t have to.  I was cooking for the Mother In Law yesterday cause she was something of an in-valid yesterday and I was about to fix this cake.  I was going along fixing the thing, admiring how good it looked.  I poured the filling on top of the cake and the color was so peanut buttery and yummy looking.  I was high fiving myself all the while and I went to lick the spoon and it tasted like styrofoam.  WTF?  At that moment, I looked up and saw the box of powdered sugar that I had neglected to whip into the filling.  Duh.

I took the filling off and put back into the bowl, cursing myself and I opened the powdered sugar and had an explosion of confectioners sugar all over Hazel’s floor.  (Unlike mine, Hazel’s kitchen floor is clean enough to perform surgery on and has probably never had as much crap on it as it did yesterday)  I had powdered sugar all over my person.  It was cute.  I’m glad nobody saw it happen. 

It all turned out ok and that cake is something else.  You should make it.

Smiff General Hospital

Hazel came through her procedure totally by the book.  She was home by a little after 11 and so far has had no problems or complications.  It was one of those female sorts of procedures.  When she was in the recovery room, the nurse handed me the instruction sheet that tells what to watch for and all do’s and don’ts post-surgery. 

I got to looking at the sheet and I told my nephew, who is almost 23 and had chauffuered his grandmother to the hospital and back that per doctors orders that Hazel was NOT allowed to have sex or consume alcohol and that we’d have to keep an eye on her the next few days.  We’d have to shoo all those young guys who show up at her door away until she’s healed up.

Something else hysterical happened in the recovery room and I better not tell it until I ask her permission.  I will tell you this…it involved preachers and body parts and it was FUNNY. Use your imagination.