‘Twas an unventful weekend in the Land of Smiff…Mr. Smiff came in from the road early Saturday morning and it was odd having him home on a Saturday, but, it was nice.  We all dined at the always wonderful Monell’s (Nutri System? What Nutri System?), had our usual rounds of arguments that are uniquely Smiff (“Shut up”, “You aren’t funny”, “LOSER”, “I hate being interrupted”) and I got to sorta finish watching Birdman of Alcatraz, which I had seen the last part of a couple weeks back.  I still haven’t seen the entire thing. 

Anyway, I went to sleep and was having a really cool dream, that I can’t remember now, but, I was off in my sleeping happy place, when at 3:02 a.m. I was awakened to Mr. Smiff’s mumbling “sunufabitch”.  In my sleepy stupor, I thought he was irritated cause I had all the covers twisted around, as I tend to do.  I asked him what was wrong and he started talking about “Those boys” and our car.  At first, I thought he was talking about our  boys, but, it was some neighborhood kids he caught breaking into our vehicle. 

Mr. Smiff is a night owl and he was just about to come to bed when he heard Chelsea, our wonderful and fabulous mutt, start barking.  Now, Chelsea is not a dog that barks at nothing, unlike the dapper Bogart Von Bam Bam.  Bogie barks at butterflies and birds and for his own amusement.  I’ve always said when Chelsea barks, it’s worth a peek because she’s such a good dog, she barks when there’s a reason to. 

So, Mr. Smiff gets up to tell her to hush when he sees what appeared to be two teenaged boys with the passenger door opened on the van.  The darling little cherub boys, whose mothers are probably very proud of them, looked up and Mr. Smiff, in his calm, cool, casual way told them (Pastor Matt, do forgive) to “Get the f@#! out” of there, to which they complied. He didn’t want to call the police first because he said he couldn’t identify them and all that, but, I told them that Hendersonville’s Finest could at least send a patrol car around. 

 So, a cop shows up and Mr. Smiff told them the story and the cop was surprised that the guys were actually in the car.  While they were talking, they heard more dogs barking down the street and the Po-leeece-man took off.  I hope he found the darling little scumbags. 

So Chelsea, the Wonder Dawg, saved the day, or night, as it were.  She gets a big ol’ bone for that.  At least this time around we were awakened to potential vehicle thieves, we didn’t end up in the Family Way like we did that night in December of 1992.

We had just returned from North Carolina for Christmas and got back, went to bed, to be awakened about 4 in the morning to somebody pounding on our door.  One of the cars had got broken into.  They didn’t take anything.  For some reason, that got Mama and Daddy all worked up and out of that experience came the Drama Queen.  I still have the business card the policeman left us as a souvenir. 

I made sure there was no hanky panky this morning.  Even though Mr. Smiff has long been fixed, I wasn’t taking any chances.  I couldn’t sleep, but, opted for an episode of Star Trek instead.  I just love seeing young Denny Crain in that spaceman suit.