too-slim.jpgI tried really hard to find a clip of one of my heroes, Too Slim, doing his famous “Varmint Dance”, alas, I couldn’t.  so instead, I’ll put a picture of the “Idol of American Youth” here for your viewing enjoyment.   Too Slim is the man.

The reason I’ve got such a hankerin’ to do The Varmint Dance is cause I have run across (or almost run across) 4 different species of varmint (or is it varmit) since Saturday. 

First, Saturday evening, I was picking the Manchild up from the Rich Folks Neighborhood on the lake in Gallatin and I saw one of these just sitting in the front lawn of this mansion.  Just sitting there like it was the family pet.  Then, his buddy came up and found himself a tree to sit under.  These foxes (or is it “fox-i, Cee?) are no dummies.  They know where the nice yards to sit are.  They’re cute little boogers.  Almost look like a cross between a cat and a dog, in fact, #2 pronounced them as looking like Cat/Dog.  I know they are not critters you want to try to Ellie Mae on though, but, from a distance, they were cute.

Then, this past Sunday night, Mr. Smiff went to the Kroger to get an air conditioner filter (at 10:00 at night no less) and he called and said to come out front and there were two of these just hanging out in the yard.  He shone the headlights on them and they looked at each other as if to say, “I think now would be a good time to go cause Mr. Smiff is here” and darted off down the street.  They really move beautifully.  I wish I could be that graceful.

Tuesday, I came home for lunch and saw one of these sitting in my yard.  I thought it was a duck first.  Then I thought it looked like an eagle and then he looked at me and ascended into the big pine tree in our front yard.  Their wing spans are impressive.  I hear owls all the time around here and this is only the second time in almost 11 years of living here that I’ve seen one.

This evening as we were dining at Shoney’s (good grief…has Shoney’s always sucked or is it just since I’ve gotten to be a grownup?  I always thought Shoney’s was fine dining.  Ick.)  Mr. Smiff said “I probably shouldn’t tell you this” and I knew a preface like that meant he probably had seen vermin and sho nuff, he went out to the shed today, opened the door and there was a rather large one of these making himself comfortable. 

You’d think me telling this stuff that we live out in the sticks or as my co-worker Beverly said “Do you live in the jungle?”  We live in a very populated suburban area off a very busy street and right off the bypass, literally down the street from where this horrible accident happened today.  I hope that they aren’t going to have to redo that bridge cause lawzy me, if they close that road down, it will hamper my regular trips to Wal Mart and that would be a travesty.