All the craziness of the last week, I haven’t blogged about a horribly sad thing that happened Thursday.  This came in the middle of all the pre-exam/pre-IBMA awards stuff.  I came back Thursday afternoon from the hair place and the Manchild told me his friend Jacob from church had committed suicide that day. 

  Meds, nerves, whatever, I totally broke down at hearing this.  I never met Jacob but I know the Manchild played pool with him a lot on Wednesday nights.  It’s hard to quite wrap your head around a 15 year old boy taking his own life.  I have no idea what led him to that point or anything like that.  Nothing to say about it other than my heart just aches for his parents and family.

A big part of me aches for the Manchild, too.  He kept saying last night “It really hasn’t affected me, I mean, I’m not crying or anything.”  I didn’t tell him that yes, it DOES affect him, probably in such a deep way he can’t really express it.  I didn’t tell him it probably feels unreal to him and there will come a point, either when he attends the visitation tonight or the funeral tomorrow that it will indeed affect him.  He’s enough like his father that you don’t see tears from him often, but, there again, he’s enough like his father for me to know that he will, if he’s not already, weep on the  inside.

Dear Son, please allow yourself to feel and express your sadness.  Not just this, but, other sad things you will face.  It doesn’t make you strong to keep a straight face.  I am convinced  it’s the opposite.  Strength is letting yourself feel and confront the sadness of the situation. Tears are cleansing and I believe God gives them to us to clean out wounds so we can heal.

I’ve given the Suicide Lecture to both kids over the weekend.  Holy Tara rolled her eyes and said “Oh gosh, you’ve already given this lecture.”  I bet Jacob’s parents had too.   I think that’s one lecture you can’t give enough. 

God bless the Riker Family.