Archive for May, 2008

Didja Hear The One About The Wooden Leg?

I don’t have nary a heavy thing to tell ya today, so, lets just listen to a little bit of Don Gibson, shall we?
Don had him a good day that day when he wrote this song and that little ditty called “I Can’t Stop Loving You” in the same day.  Dang.

Porter’s hair here…..well, there’s just no describing it, is there? What shade of Miss Clairol was that, ya think?

I also can’t help but question the thought pattern on the curtains. Now, I am no decorateur, by any stretch of any imagination, but, why, why, why?

I wisht I coulda found a clip of Don singing Sea of Heartbreak. I just love that.

I did find a clip of Don and June Carter singing the same song, but, really, I was more happier to find a clip that had T. Tommy Cutrer on it.  The Manchild was named after our Unka T.  Tommy’s one of those people that I’d give lots of money to be able to call up and say howdy to. 

Something interesting about T. Tommy…he had a wooden leg. He was in this bad car wreck, on his way to work for WSM, that was actually so bad, they had him tagged when he got to the hospital as DOA.

There’s some funny stories about Tommy and his leg floating around (I’ve heard some tales from the Flatt & Scruggs bus that are pretty gut busting) but I have one of my very own. It might be one of those “guess you had to be there” things but trust me…it was funny.

When the Holy Tara was a baby, I had taken her to the doctor, which was up at Hendersonville Hospital. I ran into T. Tommy’s daughter in the waiting room and she said her Dad was in the hospital and that I simply must go by and see him with the Baby.

The Cutrers were (and I’m sure still are) very persuasive people. In fact, I was always scared of them when I was little because they had this way of talking that made you want to stand up straighter. So when Zennette said I had to go over to the hospital to see Tommy, there was no way I’d be able to get out of that. She’d done decided it for me.

So, I carry the Baby in her little carrier over to the hospital part and go in to see Tommy. We’re all chit chatting, them looking and goo gooing over Baby Tara and it’s just all a nice moment when out of the corner of my eye, I see Tommy’s fake leg laying on the window thing. Scared the sheeeet outta me.

I always knew about Tommy’s leg, ya see, but, it was something I never thought about and tended to forget and there it lay in the window. You haven’t lived til you’ve had a moment like that, folks. Kinda like seeing Porter getting a pedicure….just one of those things.

And there I began this post thinking I had nothing heavy to say. Psssht.

Harvey Korman

Harvey Korman was simply one of the best ever.

Me and Busy Mom.

The Law Firm of Hutch and Woo.

Kate ‘O (just arrived from having been awarded a special Historic Preservation thing along with her sweet husband, who is also my boyfriend, the fabulous Karsten) and his Knuckness.

Stephanie broke it down.

Ok…so here we have Miranda, Carrie, Samantha…and I guess the photographer was Charlotte, maybe?  Is that a good comparison with the Nashville In The City Girls and the Sex and the City Girls??

Me and my girl, Christy of Beyond The Fried.  Me and Christy go waaaaaaaaay back.  Before Christy was even an earthling.  See, Christy’s family lived on the next street over from me.  I remember when her mama was pregnant with her!  She is so absolutely darling and sweet.

First time I’d gotten to hang with Jim when he wasn’t working.

Nightlife Ain’t No Good Life…

Because we love the nightlife…and love to boogie…on the Disco Rooooooooooo-und…..this is the plan for the evening….

The place…Greenhouse in Green Hills
Time-5:00 (Woulda been later but some people are heavily into Lost)
The Occasion? Just cause.

Be there or be obtuse.

Your Sista will not be partaking in any alcoholic consumption, as entertaining as it usually is when I do, however, I will try to be entertaining stone cold sobah.  I’ve already partook in my allotted two Coronas a year this year.  Now, if there is a Mudslide in the house…..I’m forbidden by law to partake in any Long Island Teas ever again, much to the chagrin of my Shishter.  Hey…I think my Shishter is joining us.  She’s not a blogger (she should be) but we just like hanging out when we can.   

 I’ve even got some of my Baptist friends intrigued as to what it is like when I partake.  Can you believe that?  What kinda Babatists are they anyway???  I didn’t think Baptist bretheren and sisteren partook.  Har.

I didn’t even know this place existed but I appointed Mista Wage in charge of a destination for this little outing cause he is the Man About Town.  (He really is.) And just for fun and nostalgia’s sake….


Goodbye Earle

So I’m a Celebrity Death Hag. Sue me.   Got a good one for ya today.

Earle Hagen.  Who is Earle Hagen you ask?  How bout this….He scored lots of music to movies, tv shows but praise the Lord he composed this little ditty and did the whistlin honors his own self.


 He also composed this theme song, which is one of my favorites..the theme and the show. Cep’ I like it better when Dick trips over the thing.


Smug Alert

Always fun and educational when one hangs with his Dryness. I dig his Hah-brid. Dig some heavy conversation betwixt your Sista and McCeemy. **** Disclaimer….the line about wishing I didn’t have kids was totally in jest, homefries.****

Watch for something really amazing in this video.

And just for fun….here’s the real Smug Alert.  I’ve only seen something like two episodes of South Park and this is one of them.  Heh.


The Way He Was

Dadgum, I hated to hear that Sydney Pollack died of cancer over the weekend.  What a great director.  His directing resume is about a mile long…Absence of Malice, Tootsie (love it), Out Of Africa (won Oscars for that one) The Way We Were, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They, Jeremiah Johnson (a 13 year old Tanya Tucker was in that one) .  He was a fabulous Director but I LOVED it when he acted.  He was a great character actor….I just saw him not long ago in Michael Clayton and gid gad, he was just something else in that too…Husbands and Wives…love me some Sydney. 

 One of my favorite things he directed was the remake of Sabrina.  The original is one of my Top Ten favorites of all time, but, I loved the remake

I’m glad Dustin Hoffman insisted that Sydney play his agent in Tootsie. 

This Used To Be My Playground

I had to drive to Franklin last night.  I was by myself and was able to take the long way back, as I’m prone to do when I’m around those parts, which isn’t often.  When I can, I find myself driving through those familiar roads I used to travel on a daily basis.  I don’t know why I feel the need to drive them.  Maybe it’s cause there’s some spots out there that haven’t changed a bit, in the midst of how so much out there is different now than it was when I lived there. 

There’s a place on Franklin Rd. just before you get to what’s now called The Factory (it was the Jamison Bedding Plant) there’s about a mile or two stretch of road that has not changed one bit.  For a minute, I thought I was in my 1979 Grand Am, smoking cigarettes, listening to Emmylou on my cassette player. 

So, I get to Concord Rd. and decide I’ll get on 65 from there.  I lived off Concord Rd. from the time I was 8 months old until the day I became Mrs. Smiff.  That road has changed quite a lot.  For one thing, it’s not a little, two lane road anymore.  Brentwood Baptist Church has built a ginormous complex there in what used to be a beautiful pasture. The railroad track is still there but the road goes over it now.  Used to, you’d have to cross it. 

Over the bridge is my school…Lipscomb Elementary School. (Not to be confused with David Lipscomb, although my school was named for Dave’s brother, William).  The building the Collie Sistas were schooled in was torn down in 1993 to make way for the current structure.

  I was pretty happy to see that the big tree that was in the front of the old school…is still there.The driveway that led to the front door of the school, where we’d get off and on the bus was where that bench is now. 

One morning, my mother took my sister to school (before I was big enough to go) and had to go in for some reason, and her car rolled down the hill and stopped at the fence there across the street that leads to the WSM property. Heh.   That is one tree right there, if’n I ever hear of them wanting to cut it down, I will march myseff out there sit at the trunk and protest about.  I love that tree.

This is the playground I played on a LOT from 1975 to 1981.  The equipment we played on is long gone, of course.  There used to be an old, wooden see-saw right there in the middle.  That sucker was OLD.  I got a splinter from that thing one time that stayed in my leg for months and months and finally, it worked itself out with a lot of infection, leaving a scar that is still visible.

To the right was the swingset, probably erected in 1955, that had swings and a trapeze-like thing.  One time, I guess it was about 5th grade, back in my “gymnast” days, my good friend Melanie Dukes was hanging by her knees and did a flip off of it…perfectly.  Well, I wasn’t gonna let that go…I could do that, too.  I attempted my Nadia-like dismount from the trapeze, landing right on my head, chipped my bottom tooth a little bit. 

This part of the playground faces Concord Rd. (see the tower?).  Just to the right used to be the dumpsters and it was a treat (WTF?) to get to take crap to the dumpster.  I guess it was an excuse to get out of the classroom.  To this day, if I’m ever near a dumpster or get a whiff of something that smells like nasty milk cartons, I think of this spot in the world.  Ain’t that sweet?  There was a swing right there next to the fence by the street and there was a tetherball thing just to the left.  Lordy mercy, there was some serrus Tetherball tournaments there.  I remember crying one time cause Melanie (dang, she was a thorn in my side and I never realized it til now!) beat me.  Heh. 

I decide to walk down to my old ballfields, which are behind the school.  I was surprised that there were no games being played on a Friday night in May.  I was kinda glad though, cause I got to look around really good.

The dugout on Field #3, where I played most of my softball games, looked pretty much identical to how it looked when your Sista was playing.  This scene makes me think of “Come-on-Sharon-you-can-do-it-put-a-little-power-to-it-Hit It- HARD…Hit It…HARD!”  I was a pretty good little hitter.  Sometimes, I was even the 4th batter…you know…”Cleanup”.  I don’t know that I ever hit a Grand Slam, although I do distinctly remember hitting a triple with the bases loaded oncet and feeling like I was the Shiz.

I spent a lot of time behind this plate, because back in those days, I was the Brentwood Civitan Ponytail League’s equivalent to Johnny Bench. (Hey, this is my memory and my blog, humor me here) I was a damn good catcher and I loooved it.  I tagged many a runner out here, oncet giving a girl a bloody nose.  Hate that for her.  Heh.  

 I’m so corny, cheesy and sentimental, I swear.  The whole time I was out here, I kept hearing this song running through my head…but, that whole area makes me feel sad for a time when life was pretty simple. I was blissfully unaware of bad things and my biggest concern was whether Coach Harrison was going to let me or Pam Hartman catch or if there was a game between my team and Melanie’s or Terri Leigh’s. This was before the dreaded Cancer entered our lives and Dad coached my team one year.

I had a good childhood and feel pretty blessed to be able to say that. I know not everybody can say that.

A League of Their Own ALWAYS makes me want to find my glove and play softball.  Always. 



In Memory…

Walter “Dee” Kilpatrick was once the manager of the Grand Ole Opry. He was one of the early A & R men on Music Row and he was a founder of the CMA. He also owned the Drapery House in Nashville for many years and he owned Tennessee Walking Horses.

Dee had a wonderful wife, my pal, Mary Jane, who is a long-time encourager of your Sista.

Dee could sho nuff tell a great story about the old days of the Music Biz in Nashville. I can see him, T. Tommy Cutrer, Tom Perryman, Dad and others, huddled together telling a tale, just as plain as day. (Tom P. is the only one of them still around and he’s STILL on the air in Tyler, Texas at 80) something years young.  One of my favorite memories ever is being around that bunch. 

 We’ll miss ya D. 


I meant to say something about this earlier…Brother In Law Smiff is playing a solo gig down at the Station Inn to commemorate the release of his new cd Five Flat RocksI’m pretty pumped to see the BIL’s outfit perform.  Oh…the BIL’s name is Billy Smith.  He’s a fabulous songwriter, performer and all around dude.  The music commences at 9 o’clock.

Maybe he’ll tell the story of carrying Bill Monroe’s teeth to the dentist or one of his other tales.  He’s got some doozies.

Here’s a clip of the signature title as done by the Del McCoury Band.  I do think that of all the millions (ok not millions) of songs Billy has written, that this one is one of my favorites.  I believe it was co-written with my sister in law Marilyn and her former…never mind…it’s complicated.  Great song.  Come see Billy if you aint got nothing else going on.



Beyond Words

I can’t even wrap my head around the tragic news of Steven Curtis Chapman’s little daughter being run over by a car driven by his teenaged son.  Even more so, this is the second situation like this I’ve heard about this week in our area.  I had heard Sunday about the friend of a friend’s son backing over his young son with the same horrifying result. 

A contrast to these stories, I went to the funeral home last night for my next door neighbor’s mother…a precious, 90 year old saint who lived with them for a time and I had the priviledge to get to know a little.  I always got a kick out of Miss Windolene because she made me think of my own sweet little Grandma Collie. 

I don’t make it a practice to question God and what He allows to happen.  I am of the mind that even though my mortal mind can’t make sense of two preschool aged children, being run over by family members who loved them dearly, I HAVE to believe that He sees the whole picture and somehow, some way He is at work through horrible tragedies like this. 

How is that father of little Caleb and the big brother of Maria going to cope for the rest of their lives?  Why is it that terrible things like that happen to little children while others, like my neighbors mama, live 90 full years on this planet?  There’s no answer or explanation that would make sense to a mortal mind. 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
       neither are your ways my ways,”
       declares the LORD. 
 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
       so are my ways higher than your ways
       and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8-9

I guess this is the problem some people have with the whole God thing.  I can understand that.  We like to think of God as this Big Dude in the Sky and if He really loves us, wouldn’t make bad things happen.  I don’t feel like He makes the bad things happen.  I think He allows them for various reasons.  Sometimes those reasons are obvious and sometimes they aren’t. 

I’ve had my share of loss and crosses to bear that have not seemed just or fair. (Still do)  I could sit here on my earthly soapbox and try to figure out the whys and whats of everything, but if I did that, I’d be a bigger nutcase than I already am.  For me to get through everyday, I HAVE to believe that this ain’t all there is.  I mean, heck, there’s just some things I’ve experienced that I’m not going to have answers for until I get to Glow-ry.  I can tear my hair out and whatever other forms of self-destruction I can find to bring me momentary comfort, but, those sorts of things just don’t work. 

The junk I’ve gone through and still go through…it’s like that old Andrae Crouch song says…”If I never had a problem, I wouldn’t know that God could solve it and wouldn’t know what strength in His Word can do.”

I know the Chapman’s are clinging to that this morning as they cope with losing their little girl.  Keep them in your prayers.



Tomorrow is the last day of school for the Smiff Kids. #2 has brought all his junk home…folders…books….crap like that.

I was going through said junkola and there was his book report I he did so beautifully.  They had to make a puppet out of a paper sack of a character from the book and then there was this little questionaire where he was supposed to fill out answers to tell about the STOW-ry, right?  #2’s thing went a little sumpin’ like this:

Title of Book:  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Name of Character: Charlie Bucket.  I’m a little boy who lives near Willy Wonka’s Choclate Factory.  I went to his factory. There was a contest and I won.  We went flying in a elavator.  He anouncend that he was leaving and he wanted me to run the factory.

Think about yourself.  Fill out the form below and compare yourself to this character.

Alike: We both like choclate. We both have parents.  We both have grandparents. 

Not Alike: I don’t live near a factory.  My Mom works.  I eat Hershy Bars. I have some toys.  I have a brother.  I have a sister.

Did you like this character?  Why or why not? (This is the hilarious part) Yes.  I just do so there that’s it.    And this was a Trevor Smith Production.

Waaaa hahahahahahaha…..dang my kid’s so funny.  Maybe he’s not to other people, but, he sho is to me. 

Destined for greatness, that boy is. 

And while we’re on the subject, I can hardly stomach the new Willie Wonka thing.  Those fake teeth that whatshisname wears???  I do like that Augustus Gloop number though, however, I don’t like that they used just one Little Person to be the Oompa Loompa and used all that technical magic.  Nope.  Just think of all the Little People they coulda put to work on that thing?  That ain’t right.

When it comes to Wonkas though..Gene Wilder is da man.

Thou Givest Fever

As Eddie Stubbs would say….are there any questions?

Unh huh.

A “Seizure” Not a Stroke

The more the press keeps trying to convince me and you that Uncle Ted did NOT have a stroke, but, rather, a “seizure”….the more they are convincing me that he is perhaps in the same shape Big Joe was in the last several years of his life. 

I mean, they’ve even got Barack Obama playing along saying “I spoke with Sen. Kennedy this morning and he sounded great!”  Psshhhht.  What, Evah. We aren’t stupid, y’all.  I really can’t stand the thought of one of the Kennedy Brothers not being around anymore, so I do hope the old guy is ok. I love me some Kennedy dram-uh.  I’ve always been into all that stuff.  I guess that’s part of my Rainman-ness. I can name every one of them and who they was married to.  Nevermind that I had watched a documentary on the Kennedy’s the other day and every single time I hear the story of Mary Jo and Chappaquiddick, it makes me just plain mad.  It’s no wonder poor Joan (who was without a doubt, the most beautiful Kennedy wife) ended up a lush. 

Speaking of bizarre, (were we?…maybe not) have you ever seen this picture?  Warning…it’s a dayde picture of JFK for you sensitive Whiffas.


Sista Doodles With The Po’-Leece

One would think after my soapbox speech about the importance of having your CURRENT proof of motor vehicle insurance on you some months back, that I would be near ’bout obsessive about it, right?

Heh. Wrong.

I have been driving for 23 years.  I have only been pulled over three times in my entire driving career (never for speeding, mind you).  Today was the time I was thrice pulled over and it was for a brake light being out.  Ok…fine.  Got a warning. 

I think the Po’-leece-man,  young and cute as he was, is perhaps kin to Barney Fife.  Being called “Ma’m” is something…I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it (unless it’s partly in jest or something) but when he said “Do not driiiiiiive off far any ray-zun”….like I was gonna? I was a tad insulted.   I guess they have a problem with peoples doing that sorta thing.

My other favorite part of the whole experience was when Doogie Fife said this to me…he came back to the car and I was trying to find the current insurance card…he said “M’am..if you could just pay attention to me for just a minute.”  HA.  Ol’ Doog’ picked up on what’s up with your Sista, didn’t he?  I guess I underestimated the Po’leeeceman.  Do they train them in the Academy to spot hard-core drug dealers, child molesters AND those with ADD?

I hand him my insurance card…all proud and stuff and Barney, Jr. points out that the damn thing expired March 21, 2008.  So, I have the HT call her father and he says “I thought I put it in there.”  If it was there, I didn’t find it.

I still got off with a Warning.  Have to send them a copy of said insurance card.  Still aggravated me.

Oh…and I’m watching that movie Juno?  I’m not even halfway through it and dadgum, I love this movie.  My favorite line so far, courtesy Rainn Wilson/Dwight Shrute:

That’s one doodle that can’t be undid, Homeskillet.