I have this co-worker who talks about nothing but her son.  Her son who is the same age as my son.  Her son…we’ll call him Colin (that aint his name) and my Manchild actually know each other.  I’m not gonna say how cause somebody will be trying to piece it together.

Anyway, I work with Colin’s mother. This woman puts everything into this kid.  I can understand pride in your chilluns and all that but she has millions of pictures of Colin at her desk.  One that is frankly, disturbing.  Almost like Colin is her boyfriend.  Every conversation the woman has, Colin is brought up. I mean, every single conversation.  Colin is an athelete and to talk to her, perfect in every way. 

 Colin has a big brother (that I know as well) and their mom never talks about him.  If she does, it’s with a tsk tsk tone and it drives me nuts.  The Brother…we’ll call him Tim.  Tim is adorable.  He is very bright, funny, ridiculously handsome.  I’ve know Tim since he was a little boy, about the same age as #2.  Tim has ADD and is obviously a disappointment to Asshat Mother.  I had a conversation with AM a few weeks ago, or rather, SHE was having a conversation with me about Colin.  I couldn’t stand it no mo.  I told her that Tim was every bit as wonderful as Colin was and that Colin was going to be in for a rude awakening someday when things didn’t always come so easy for him and at that point, Tim will probably be a bajillionaire and Colin will be borrowing money from him. 

I doubt very seriously she heard me.  Why? Because she continued talking about Colin as though he were the second coming of the Good Lawd Himself. 

A week or so later, I was in another co-worker’s office…one I don’t ever go in and sit down and talk with, but, this rare moment I did.  We were chatting it up, and in the door burst my favorite Asshat Mother. Didn’t say “Pardon me for interrupting” “Kiss my butt” or nothing….starts in on …you guessed it…COLIN.

When I am happy, you know it, for I smile or laugh.  When I am disgusted, I may not say so, but, one look at me and you can tell, right?  I was disgusted. Totally.

About an hour later, Asshat Mother comes to my cube (I didnt invite her) comes in and says “Are you ok? You seem down.”  I wanted to say “I’m not down but you get on my last nerve.”  I didn’t.  I didn’t say nothing cause she wouldn’t have listened nohow. 

I got to work this morning and I swear to you, it wasn’t five minutes and she opened her mouth and out came “Colin”.  I started laughing uncontrollably.  I am a mean person. 

And people wonder why I wear headphones and listen to music while I work?