**This was written on Sunday, January 17, two days after Mom was admitted to the hospital.
I think it’s January 17 anyway.

I’m sitting here in St. Thomas Hospital at the bedside of my mother. Her breathing is labored. It’s so labored that she’s sore from working so hard to breathe. Her stats dropped a little bit there but have climbed back up.

This is a surreal experience. I’ve been through this before with my Dad but it was different. I was not as much in the middle of his care as I have been this time because I was a brand new, first time mother during his last weeks. He wasn’t in this sort of pain either. Not to mention it’s been 18 years.

I have no idea how long she will be here. It could be days, weeks or months. Ben’s mother was told last January she had two weeks to live and was sent home with Hospice care and she lived 8 months so who knows? Only God knows when her scheduled Heavenly Arrival Time is. There will be no delays, cancellations or mechanical problems. She will depart at the perfect time.

It’s like waiting for a woman to go into labor. Amazing how the parallels of the beginning of life and the end are quite similar. If Mom could get better and have GOOD quality of life, I’d be all for that. I don’t think that’s going to happen here. I am praying that this will not linger on and on for her sake. She’s got a new body waiting to be broken in.

She has lots of confusion because of the medications but then there are moments she’s very lucid. I had her tell Tara the story of her grandparents eloping from South Louisiana, sneaking off in a canoe in the middle of the night and winding up in Natchitoches, LA. I didn’t think she’d ever told Tara that story.

I never was able to have her mother, my grandmother tell me any stories because she died when I was 2 and have no memory of her. I want Tara to know some of these treasured tales to tell her grandaughter someday.

I knew a month ago when she began hurting, that we were looking at the end but even so, I thought there’d be more time for stuff like that.