Mom’s not the “Look At Me, Ain’t I A HOOT?” kinda funny. She has her own brand of funny.
Anyway, all afternoon, her breathing deteriorated. She had said earlier in the afternoon that she hurt “different” than she had been in her chest. I don’t know what time she started breathing like “that” but it was the same kinda breathing I remember my Dad doing towards the end: the rise and fall of the chest…taking every ounce of strength she had to breathe. I knew that something had changed.
Tara (who has been with me allllll day and has amazed me to no end) was hungry and wanted to eat so I walked with her downstairs to the cafeteria. From the 2nd floor to the 1st, I tried not to cry in front of Tara but I thought to myself “Nope. I’m not gonna do this this time. If I feel like crying, by golly, I’m gonna. There isn’t nothing wrong with crying. Real strength at times like this is facing the emotions.” So while Tara ate her hospital cheeseburger, I cried at the table.
By the time we got back upstairs, I saw Catie, who is an absolutely incredible and talented nurse. I knew something had happened and I was correct. Mom’s stats had tumbled. There was question about whether the DNI and DNR (Do Not Intubate/Resuscitate) was still in place, so she called Rapid Response. I spoke with the Doctor on call and told him we wanted her comfortable and there was no point in treating, especially since the cancer is in her bones and who knows where else and she chose not to pursue treatment some months ago when told there was some cancer in her lymph nodes. End of discussion. (There’s another part of this story that I’m not going to tell now cause I’m too tired)
The decision was made to put Mom on a morphine drip that would keep her relaxed, out of pain and out of it. She looks like she’s taking a nap to me, down to the way she blows air out of her mouth and has that frowny/pouty face on. She isn’t feeling a thing nor is she chatty Later, I’m texting various family members out of state letting them know that the doctor said it was probably a matter of hours. My cousin Vicki texted and asked me to tell her she loved her and to look in on her Josh (Her precious son who passed away a couple years ago). I told Mom what Vicki said and proceeded to go into a soliliquy of what a great mom she is, blah blah.
Me and Mom aren’t ushy gushy with one another. Never have been. My mother is not touchy feely-I love you with me. It doesn’t bother me and we are totally good. (She and I are weird thataway. I’m not a big toucher, as a rule. That’s how we roll) My mom knows I love her and there has NEVER ever been a doubt whether she loves me….ok, except for that time when I was about 14 and I thought EVERYBODY hated me but you know…
I laid it on. Told Mom that her big brother who died in WWII when she was 9 that she always idolized…she was gonna be seeing him, her parents, siblings, a couple nephews, a couple nieces, my Dad, so many good frieinds who are already there, etc. I mean, it was a speech on the fly of Toastmaster proportions. (This is the Biff side of me showing)
She didn’t wake up or nothing. But that’s ok…I’m pretty sure she heard me.
Fast forward an hour or so-Terry has been on the road all weekend and he took Trevor with him. I texted him and asked if Trev knew what was going on. He said yes, he’d been talking about it with him. I told him to tell Trev that I told Mimi how much her grandkids loved her, etc. Terry texted back “Tell her her ex son in law loves her too.”
Terry and his mother in law have always had a very warm, good relationship, even since we’ve divorced. I did not hesitate to tell her that Terry had asked me to tell her he loved her, although I know she already knows that.
I get in Mom’s face…”Mom…Terry said to tell you that your ex son in law loves you.” Mom opened those eyes and looked right at me, very clear eyed and said “That’s nice” and promptly went back to sleep.
There, after that deathbed speech, I didn’t get nothing and Terry got the eye open, and words spoken about him (kinda). Cracked us all up. I love it.
God’s been so good to provide mucho humorous moments the last couple days…oh lordy. This one was a doozy.