Posts from the ‘Church’ Category

The One About The Damage

Heh.  Matt cracks me up with these videos.  Matt also had a birthday yesterday so happy belated to the Pastah.

The One about the Damage from Matt Tullos on Vimeo.

Show Me Your Hallelujah Hands, Boys and Girls…

It’s that time of year again….one of my favorite things all year…Bible Skoo is back and I am oncet again the Official Picksha Lady.  (That’s what the kids usually call me so that’s what I put on my nametag) I don’t do the regular teacher thing at Bible Skoo cause I get bored being in one spot.  Thisaway, I can be all over the place and I dig that. 


#2 is doing Basketball this time. (Again)  He was doing a fair job in guarding Mr. Jeff.

While his sister (see her there in her glasses?) is helping with the Arts & Crafts portion of the show.

The lovely Kim (isn’t she purty?) Took me riding on the water cart to take pickshas and we decided we needed one of us. 

This right here though…was my favorite moment of the entire night.  The chick in the tye-dye? That’s my good girlfriend, Melissa.  Melissa would be the first to tell you she is not right.  However, she is really good at working with the Preschool aged bunch. 

She had the little chilluns in a line…walking down the hallway….snapping fingers…raising hands in the air and told the little cherubs they had “Hallelujah Hands”  and she WASN’T TRYING TO BE FUNNY.  Serious as a holy heart attack.  Nearly made me stop, drop and roll (and wish I had Depends on)

Oh and something else that happened, that was not documented…I did my annual cartwheel.  I can still do it! 

Monday Morning Observation

I took the HT early this morning to send her off to Centrifuge for a week (I keep wanting to call it Ridgecrest but that isn’t even where they’re going. I kinda like CentriCrest or RidgeFuge).

This is the Girls’ pile of luggage…

And this would be the Guys pile of stuff going to Camp for a week…

Now, in all fairness, there aren’t as many guys on the trip (I don’t think) but do take note of the obvious lesser density in belongings, will you?  It made me laugh.

Something else that made me giggle and at the same time gave me hope that Tomorrow’s Leaders just may have some manners in ’em….look in this picture…Matt, who is my brother in all things of an Attention Deficited Nature and my preacher man, is praying over the kids before the bus leaves, asking God to keep them safe, etc.

The guy in the blue tshirt, who would be Rick…is leaning over to remove Kelsey’s head garment during the prayer.  Rick had a head garment of some sort on before the prayer commenced and he removed it.  I was impressed with Rick’s sense of respect for the moment, however, he did not, for whatever reason, remove my child’s headgear (she’s in the blue hoodie next to the faux pas’ing Kelsey)

I think next year or the year after, when #2 is old enough to embark on his own CentriCrest journey, I may have to go along for the ride. 

How I wish there were photographs (maybe there are somewhere) of my Ridgecrest (the pre-cursor to Centrifuge, which has been the rite of passage for most Southern Baptist kids since about 1984) trip in 1982.  Gosh, that was fun. 

I remember Eric McLemore sitting in the back of the bus (oddly enough, wearing a ski cap not unlike what the HT had on this morning) with his JAM BOX (oh how 80’s am I?) and he’d play that song of Joe Walsh’s (cassette..pre-cds) …the one about “I have a limo I ride in the back…I lock the doors incase I’m attacked) and he’d do the (was it a guitar solo) on the side of his face and I thought that was cool. 

Oh and Sandra kept insisting Eric play “Desparado” over and over and over and over…..That’s when I learned all the words to that song.  It’s not like it was a current hit in ’82. 

Mike Smart, who’s mama made him come on the trip, going out to smoke (seems she also sent along a carton of cigarettes in his suitcase. That’s hilarious to me. Mike was maybe a rising Senior in high school that summer. Can you imagine a mom in Brentwood doing that today???)

Mike’s sister, Sheri, who was one of my roomates on that trip…she was soooo pretty…a little older than me and me watching her do her Beauty Routine every night and trying to emulate it. (This was the summer I was in 7th grade, remembah) 

There was some canned drink in the machines there that I’d never seen before or since…it was like Mountain Dew, but, I think it was called “Moonshine.”  Chris Murphy and David Owenby collected those cans the whole week and built this monstrous pyramid in their window. 

We got aquainted with Carman on that trip.  One of our chaperones was HAWT for Carman.

I also remember very vividly the first morning at Ridgecrest, walking around and noticing the mountains of Western North Carolina. I remember stopping on the walkway and just staring at it, not believing how beautiful it was.  It still gives me a bit of a lump in my throat remembering how awed I was at that sight.  It looked much like this picture here.  (Maybe that’s why they used it. Derrrrr)  I’d only seen stuff like that on tv before then.  Just one of those moments…

We went to Sliding Rock on that trip….another natural phenomenon and perhaps THE COLDEST water I’ve ever been in.  Someday, I’ve got to take the Smiff Kids there.  That was the same day I went inside the city limits of South Carolina for about 5 minutes because somebody took a wrong turn ( a very wrong turn).  The only time I’ve ever been in that state and here the HT is in South Carolina for the second time and I’ve never been there.  How odd is that?

Anyhow…I tried to get a hug outta my daughter but no dice.  Kelsey and Morgan (her good girlfriends who dig me) obliged me. 

To be 14 again….um….no thanks.  I did enjoy watching her be 14 this morning though.



Sista-Your Action News Reportah

We had a thing at the church this morning to kinda kick off the summer.  It was all lots of fun (even though it was hotter ‘n Hades out there). There was people jumping Bungees…Cute kids stuffing their faces with cotton candy…

The Holy Tara’s feller even showed up.

Just one of them All American sorta events where everybody’s happy and all is right in the world.


You hear what sounded like a fender bender.  Then you think an animal got hit by a car.  Then you hear a human scream from the ditch and you realize that was no dog that got hit by a car, but, a real human.

Even more disturbing was that 911 was called and I bet it was 10 minutes before the first police car and firetruck showed up.  The ambulance didn’t show up til probably another 10 minutes after they got there.  Somebody explain to me why I see tons of ambulance types at the Chik Fil A nearly everytime I’m there and where in the crap were they today?

The yellow firetruck there?  That’s the Shackle Island Volunteer Fire Department’s truck.  THOSE guys were the first responders to this situation.  Why?  Because they were at the church giving rides to the kids.  I’m glad they were there and they jumped into action waiting on Hendersonville’s Finest to get there.  Gah.

The poor man was hurt pretty bad.  I know his leg was jacked up and they were fearful there were some internal injuries.  I heard him moaning and hollering and I just felt horrible for him.  There he was, walking on the street, beautiful day….hit by a Gold Explorer that DID NOT EVEN STOP.  The poor man flew through the air and the asshats didn’t even stop. 

THEN, I get home from the shindig at the church and there’s po-leece in front of my house and people standing around.  Obviously, the DRAM-uh was not contained to Indian Lake Rd. today, no sirreeee. I asked the Po-leeceman what had I missed in front of my house?  Apparently, a tree decided to fall, hitting power lines, knocking out some people’s power.  Our power stayed on (praise you Jesus) but all my  neighbors weren’t so lucky with that. 

The people standing in front of my house, watching the Cumberland Electric guys do their thing were a little more of the variety of “Pardon me sir…did you see what happened?  Yeeeeeeeuh, I deee-ud…..”  Boogity, boogity.





Diggity Dig

Let’s take a trip back in time in the Sista Time Machine, shall we?

I can’t believe I’ve never shown this here.  This is pretty hilarious.  My moment in the sun from 30 years ago.  (Yikes)

The occasion was the groundbreaking of Forest Hills Baptist Church.  I got to do the big first dig cause I had been baptized that morning.  I just blended right in with these Baptist dudes, didn’t I?  Which one of these doesn’t belong???  HAHAHAHAHAHA….there’s Bill Sherman; my pastor when I was growing up, Bro. Lloyd Lawrence and those other guys….and 9 year old Sista. (The same age as #2 is now)

What I remember most about this day was being about halfway embarrassed and not having the slightest clue what/where/why I got to hold the Golden Shovel.  Still, it’s a kinda neat memory.




Easter 2008

jana-ginger.jpgThank you, Jana and Ginger for letting me sang with you’uns this morning.  sharon-jana-ginger.jpg I was sure blessed to be part of it.

How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye

This new camera is swell.  The subjects in the pictures are great.

The occasion was a goodbye to Chad, our Student Minister.  He and Kelly have been very important to the HT.  They have our love and blessing…still it’s tough.

These pictures I took tonight are some of my most favorite I’ve ever taken.

michelle-bursts.jpg If she makes it til morning, Michelle will bring forth a new son tomorrow.  Dad is admiring his work there.


Hannah was over the whole shebang.


Two of our favorite girls…Kelly and Desiree.  (That Desiree is one hoss of a basketball player)


Somebody accidentally, kinda stuck their hand in the cake.


It’s ok to hurt and it’s ok to cry…

Christmas Shoes Are Wrong

I try not to tell untruths here.  I try.  However, I told a lie the other day when I said there was not a Christmas song I didn’t like.

I heard one last night and I swear to Bing Crosby….it is probably the most hideous Christmas song ever. It sounded sorta like Vanessa Williams (whose singing I really dig) singing it, but, it may not have been.  Something about “come sit here by the fire with me and have a cup of Christmas tea.”  Say what?  It’s painful.  I can’t imagine Bing or even Andy singing such crap.  That is because they wouldn’t. 

**Disclaimer….if this song touches your heart like no other, do accept sincere apologies from your Sista. It did not move me so much.

I don’t know that the Christmas tea song is half as bad as “Christmas Shoes” though.  That song makes me want to projectile vomit.  I HATE that song.  I mean, I hate it. Hate. It.  I know somebody out there’s saying “She hates ‘Christmas Shoes’ but loves ‘Same Old Lang Syne?'” 

Christmas Shoes….ok…there was this psycho that used to go to my church and we called him “The Amen Guy”.  The guy would holler Amen after everything.  You could say “I’ve got hemorroids the size of Cleveland” or “My ass carbuncle is hurting me” and he’d just Amen it.  Now, I’m known to say an Amen here and there but only if there’s a reason for it.  Some people Amen during church just cause they want to hear theyselves talk.

One Christmas Eve, somebody sang this horrendous piece of schlop.  There are praise and worship songs that you raise your hands to but Christmas Shoes is not one of them.  Amen Guy, of course, ended up sitting next to us and all through that dumb song, he was raising his hands and swaying back and forth.  It was wrong, I tell you. Wrawng.  Me and the Holy Tara didn’t even try to not laugh.  What was the point?  It was rich. 

I went to the dentist today to have my teeth cleaned.  I was feeling good about myself cause I haven’t had any sensitivities or nothing like that, found my retainer, my teefuses are good.  Wrong!  Dr. G. said to the hygienist, “Let’s watch 14.”  I said “Lookie here, Pal….I don’t want any more crowns.”  He informed me that the tooth was already crowned and now it (I guess “it” is the teef funk that has taken up residence in my pie-hole) It is going into the root.  Praise!  That means 2008 will be the year of another Root Canal.  I’m so blessed. 

I had one Root Canal in 2001.  I went to Dr. G. (he has been my dentist now for over ten years.  He is good people) and he was going to do a crown.  He numbed me up, started drilling and hello!  I could still feel it.  He shot me up with more numb stuff, and started drilling again.  Was still feelin’ it.  He repeated this process a couple more times.  Still could feel the drill.

Dr. G. sent me down the street to Dr. K. the endodontist for a root canal.  I was scared to death.  Something about drilling a tooth and feeling it will make you a little jumpy.  Knowing I get to have another Root Canal this next year is enough to make me shout Ho Ho Ho.  Bleh.

Bug Bites

Well…I think it’s safe to say that the two eldest Smiff Kids have been officially bitten by the Bug.  You know what Bug I’m talking about.  The Bug that bit their Daddy many years ago.  It bit me, but, I was too scared to scratch the itch, so to speak.

First, the Holy Tara, who had filled in for the girl who was supposed to do the solo with the kids, did the solo in the performance.  Katie, the girl who was to have done it originally, is a veteran performer.  She’s worked professionally on recordings and other things since she was a wee girl.  That Katie, when she heard that Tara did the solo so well, told her she should do it.  I thought that was pretty wonderful and selfless of Katie. 

Tara sounded even better last night than she did at rehearsal Saturday.  I had already done my initial boo-hoos at rehearsal.  This was the first time Mr. Smiff had heard it.  Both of her grandmothers were present and both grandmothers were appropriately taken and awed by their grandaughter as were her Uncle and Aunt.  I so wish her Knoxville Aunt and Uncle could’ve been there to hear her. 

Now, I don’t know for sure, because I was not sitting right next to him when the Holy Tara graced the microphone, but, I was a little concerned that it might totally get away with him and him not be able to do his bass thing.  He’s a pro and continued on, proud Daddy he was.

The premise of this presentation was based on “A Prairie Home Companion.”  My friend (and now pastor!) Matt Tullos wrote the thing and it was executed beautifully by some very talented people….props to Loren, Aaron, Hope, Duane, Ben, Rachel, and Skeeter.  It was very loose and very fun.  Not your standard, stuffy, Christmas “cantata”.

I was pretty tickled to be able to be part of the Drummer Boy with Janice and Holly.  Holly is a Junior in High school and a very talented young lady.  I taught her in Sunday School when she was in kindergarten and I have a neat connection with her family.

Before Holly’s dad was married to Janice, long ago he was married to another lady and had two girls.  His daughter, Kelly, was my good friend in 3rd and 4th grade.  I used to spend the night at their house.  Wild we ended up in the same church on the other end of town so many years later.

It really was a thrill and a blessing to play with Mr. Smiff and two of our kids.  The Manchild did a bang up job on his guitar break and it was pretty meaningful to all of us.  I hope we get to do it again.

I made an attempt to have it videoed.  My camera….was working fine Saturday.  I went to use it yesterday and the LCD screen was very faint and the video I had somebody do came out as “file error”.  I remembered why and how I ruined this camera.  I ain’t telling. Somebody videoed it and hopefully we’ll be able to have a copy.

There Is A Fountain

Me and this girl named Jana were supposed to sing this song this morning at church. I have been listening to it for a week or so and was feeling pretty good about throwing my part in. It’s a beautiful song.

Jana’s a really good singer and she knows Selah stuff really well so I didn’t give it much thought that we hadn’t had any time to rehearse. I had downloaded the music from Digital Download but never could get it printed. Everywhere I tried to print it (Kinko’s, church) access to Active X control was denied. (Printer at home doesn’t work). No problemo, Kathy the pianist had the Selah book this song was in.

(This is where it turns into Lucy and Ethel Sing a Song at Church.)

Kathy had her husband bring the book with him this morning. We get the book, turn to page 45 and there’s no song. Somebody removed the song for whatever reason. Me, Jana, Kathy and this girl named Melissa did a mad search around the choir room for the music. Craig had his violin ready. I commenced to having a mini-hotflash but I was determined not to get all wigged out and upset. Poor Kathy was feeling bad, like it was her fault.

We tried to improvise without the music, but, Kathy wasn’t comfortable so we decided to do another song in the book. We ran through it once or twice and amazingly, it came out really nice. All of this commenced within less than hour but we pulled it off.

This is what we sang instead.