Posts from the ‘Divorce’ Category

Dogs, Crud and Work

I have not been any sorta sick in over 2 years.  None at all.  I was home for three months and had some sinus stuff but sickly?  No. 

I started getting the sore throat last night.  I feel like crap today.  Third day on the New Gig, I’ve got some sorta crud.  I am the Poster Child for Murphy’s Law.

Work was good today though.  I’m just in the training process now which will last for 8 weeks.  5 of those weeks will be in the classroom and then I’ll go to transition. 

I’m not blogging where I’m working for a few reasons.  It’s a very large company (some of you know where/what) and it’s not that I’m afraid a crazy nutjob/apeshit stalker/ angry wife will show up or nothing like that, but, if you knew where it was, what I was doing, you’d get why I’m not telling the Internets where I’m working.   Just know it’s a good, stable company and I think I’m going to like it a lot.

I had a moment today that I realized that maybe I’m really becoming a grown up.

I was wanting one of Newscoma and Them’s puppies.  I’ve never gone this long in my life without having a dog.  I need a sidekick.  (I really don’t need a four legged one while I would not be so opposed to a two legged one who amuses me and looks good in a Wife Beater) 

I was all imagining me and one of these cute little things and then my pal Scott got all logical and mature about it and I realized that just cause I want one of those darlin’s, doesn’t mean I should get one and there are about ten billion reasons I shouldn’t get one of them, so I will not. 

Ok and Eric’s guess that Mama Dog might have some Bull Terrier in her and the idea of having an animal with “Bull” in the breed name, poses a psychological thing for me.  I know Aunt B and others would beg to differ but there’s personal reasons for that too. 

I just want it noted that I did not act on impulse before thinking it through.  I guess that’s parta that whole ADD thing and all that. 

 Near ’bout every animal I’ve owned as an adult was gotten on impulse, four of those impulses still residing at the home of my First and Second Husband.  Those wonderful little dogs are so glad to see me when I show up over there, they “talk” to me and do their little “happy wiggles.”  I felt like I would be cheating on them.  bogie-chelseaThat’s probably all kindsa twisted and stuff to think that but, I can’t help it. 

Another “impulse” though was part of our family for 15 years and I still miss her a lot.  I saw a puppy on Petfinder that looked EXACTLY like Chloe did when she was a puppy.  I was tempted to drive to East Tennessee to get it.

I could bring one of them to stay with me, I guess but I don’t think separating these two would be a good idea.  They love each other so much.  Every morning they are so happy to see each other, it’s like two, long-lost friends reuniting after decades apart.  Those are good dogs. 

Chelsea the Mutt Baby there….I do think of all the dogs I’ve had (including the one that grew up with me) is my most favorite dog ever.  She is the most cooperative, loyal dog.  I love her.  Bogie, the dachshund, is a good little dog, too.  He’s just not always as “agreeable” as his “sister.” He’s kinda a snob but the both of them are great dogs.

It does occur to me, though, this urge for a puppy is probably some sort of just now getting around to grieving losing my fur-kids in my Life-Change.

Oh well, if I get the urge to be around the dogs they’re  5 minutes away.  I can go over there and see them whenever I want to.  I don’t have to look far to rub a dog belly.

Becomes Final Today

This is not a celebratory post.  This is just fact of what today is. I’m not sad, but, I am also not jumping up and down happy neither.

I am grateful that I can sit here and tell you that Terry and I are dealing with each other very well. Our kids are coping well. They’ve had their moments and I’m sure there will be things about all this that will stay with them forever. I hate that.

In some ways, Terry and I communicate better than we did when married. If we can continue to have as cordial and positive of a relationship as we do today, it will be nothing but positive for our kids and for future grandkids. I mean, the best thing we ever acccomplished together was those three kids. No question.

I hate that with the Judge’s proclamation of us as officially Not Married, I not only have an ex husband, but, also Ex In Laws. They were my family for almost 20 years.

I want to say here, to them, that I still love them. That goes for the immediate In Laws to the Extended In Laws out in the Carolinas. I still think of my nephews and niece as my nephews and niece and will always think that way.

I became my nephews aunt when they were 5 and not yet 3. They are now almost 25 and 22. I was younger than both of them when I married their Uncle. I’ve had quite a number of laughs with those boys. I I hope they don’t forget the Florida Trip of 1999 especially and I hope it makes them laugh to remember it. I was at the hospital the day my niece was born and have thoroughly enjoyed watching her grow into one of the most charming little girls I’ve ever known. She’s only 3 so she won’t have any memory of me being her Aunt, I don’t guess. I still love that little girl though. I hope they will still think of me as their Aunt and know that I’m always here for them.

It’s a crappy situation. Divorce sucks.

Nobody could put a tear in a song like Tammy.

Divorce Fun

I am sitting here laughing out loud to myself at my children’s father. 

When you get divorced in Tennessee, you have to go this mandatory, Parenting & Divorce seminar.  It’s just something you have to do.  The CF is none too happy about it.  He’s aggravated that one, he has to go, and two, it costs $40.  We will be attending this shindig this evening.  Together. Heh.

So just now, on the phone, he’s asking me (again) “What do they do at this thing?”  I do not know because I haven’t been. 

Then, he says…”Do they do some sort of puppet show with puppets saying..’Mommy and Daddy are getting divorced?'”  I told him maybe they’ll do a special showing of The Parent Trap (preferably the original). maureen-brian-web

Ok, so maybe I’m just slap-happy or something but the above has caused me to laugh uncontrollably.  I know this is serious and from what I hear, it’s a really good seminar and all that.  You know me though, if there is something to giggle at, I’m all over it.

Consider The Lilies

It was fun to see the guesses people made about what my large news is.

No, Gingah, I am not coming out of the claw-zit.  God knows that there idn’t a thing about me that exciting or interesting.  Yo Sista is not gay. 

That wacky Linda suggested perhaps my large news was that I finally made it out of the Flying Saucer parking lot.  Har-dee-har-har-har.  (Y’all wondered why I didn’t come to the last FS shindig. HA.  It gives me nightmares just thinking about the evening I spent alone…late at night in the Flying Saucer parking lot.  I don’t think I even blogged that experience.  It’s funny now but at the time it wasn’t. I wasn’t even drunk. It woulda been less embarrassing had I been. I need a Designated Driver for the Flying Saucer because I’m obviously a moron with parking lot machines)

Busy Mom had an interesting guess…that I had entered the Convent.  Maybe we won’t rule that possibility out at a later date. 

I did ask Miz Biz, since she is the most Catholic of the Catholic people I know, to give me a Sister name, preferably French.  She did not disappoint-

Sister Mary Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi

No, Bridget…not a house.  (The thought of me walking into a lending institution right now and asking for a loan is funnier to me than my Saint name.  The bank people would need Depends from laughing so hard at that thought. HAR)

The Large News is thus:

I have a new job.  A new job that I was not looking for.  I mean, I had not searched anything for a new job.  I figured now would be pointless to even think about looking for a new job.

This whole process of moving and all that’s gone along with it has been a step out in faith for me.  I felt from the git-go that if this was what I was supposed to be doing, God was gonna make a way cause, well, He’s sorta in the Way-Making business.  Every step has had His handprint all over it, from the place I ended up, to the truck, to my couch, down to the towels we dry off with…it just all fell into place. 

So, as much as I like the work I’ve been doing the last year and a half, it doesn’t pay squat.  Even so, I was not looking for a job. 

A week ago this past Friday evening, I got on My Space.  There was a message with a subject line that said “I Am Looking For An Administrative Assistant.”  My first thought was “Yeah, RIGHT.”

I read the message and the person didn’t ask if I wanted to chat or nothing.  He actually said “If you or anybody you know” is looking.  Pervs don’t usually use that phrase.  I read on and it was for real sounding so I answered back. 

To shorten it, me and this guy emailed back and forth a few times, I had a phone interview and set up a time for me to come out to the office and interview and dadgum it, Doo….I done got maself a dadgum job.  And the thing is…this Dadgum Job pays TWICE as much as what I am making at the moment. 

Not only that, this job (AA to a VP of Sales) has a lot more future than the one I have.  I like what I do and it’s a shame there isn’t more of a future in it, but, reality is reality.   I am pretty excited.  (And yes…this is a legit company with benefits and it’s not Sales of Sex toys or anything like that.)

I have an office!  When I was driving to it the other day, I passed where Kate worked and got excited and thought “Oh wow, we’ll be neighbors!” and then remembered she just left.  I’m talking across the street, too!  It’s just a really good opportunity all around that I would be foolish to not jump at.  I’m still unbelieving how it all came about and dropped into my lap. 

I will miss my peeps I work with, but, they are all happy for me.  They are good people that are probably some of the best people I’ve ever worked with.  I will have to drive to Cool Springs everyday from Hendersonville, but, it’s not that bad of a drive.  I grew up a stones throw from my new office and actually, used to work across Moore’s Lane 20 years ago. 

There’s a Full-Circle-ish sorta thing about that and I get a bit of a warm fuzzy knowing I’ll be in a familiar area, although when I worked/lived near Cool Springs way back, it wasn’t nothing but a big field.  I’ll be making enough money that it will be worth the drive (yes, I know money isn’t the only reason to take a position.  Believe you me…I learned that a number of years ago the HARD way) but more than any of that, I will be able to pay my bills, take care of myself and my family and not have to worry about getting evicted cause I can’t pay my rent. 

Brad…the new boss, said “I want you to hold your head high.”  Unbelievable. 

Brad strikes me as a similar type guy as the Gentleman Formerly Known As My Boss. I asked him if he was a Micromanager.  He just laughed. 

The thing is that I could have never come up with this.  I’d have never dreamed I’d get a job off My Space.  I’d have never dreamed I would have a really great opportunity like this, at this particular point and time.  I may hate it.  They may hate me.  Who knows? 

I usually cringe when I hear the phrase “God Thing” but really…it just is. 

 

***I usually don’t go back in and add to posts, but, I left something out about the whole thing of God making a way and providing for our needs.  I got my check stub in the mail the other day.  Y’all would faint if you saw how little my two week pay was.  It was coming up on my first time to pay rent and I sorta choked on that and realized that ok, I have $25 to live on the next two weeks.  Yee haw. 

I got home yesterday and got my mail and there was a card from a very dear, longtime friend that I don’t talk to a whole lot.  Sweet note from her and there was a gift card in it to Wal Mart for $50.  I started laughing and crying at the same time at how my “Imaginary Friend” tends to provide for me and knows what I need. 

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]? 26Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 27“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

The Elephant In The Room

I’ve hinted at it here and there and have been deliberately delicate about how to approach this subject here.  I think it’s kinda obvious what has happened at the Casa de Smiff.  Yep.  Me and Mr. Smiff have, in the words of that great American, Tex Ritter, split the sheets.

So there ya go. 

It’s an odd place to be.  Even though we’ve been here before, this time is a totally different experience than the other time.  8 years is a good amount of time, and really, I don’t feel like I’m even the same person I was then, much less the same kid I was when I got married in 1989. 

This is the question I get a lot…”How are you?”  It’s usually said with a little trepidation, like the asker is afraid I might actually tell them how I am. 

My question is, DO people really want to know how you are when they ask?  Cause, like, people ask me the question and if I say “I’m good, how are you?”  They will say “REALLY?”  It’s almost like they want  you to not be ok. 

I was in the bathroom at work the other day, talking to Dr. Mac.  Dr. Mac is, well, she’s a doctor.  She is probably the most absolute coolest Canadian I’ve ever run into.  She is hysterically funny, she spins, is very personable, plays on a co-ed hockey team…just love her.  She has also recently been diagnosed with breast cancer.   

We’re in the bathroom washing our hands and I turned to her and asked her how she was.  Then, I remembered who I was talking to and I said “Do you almost get the feeling people want to see you fall apart in front of their eyes?”  She laughed…of course. 

I’m not comparing a divorce with breast cancer.  Apples and oranges , but, both are major, turning-point-in-your-life experiences.  People ask Dr. Mac the same sorta “How are yew doing?” questions and try to answer for her.  I guess people mean well.  Breast cancer and divorce are unpleasant things and I think people are afraid that they may be contagious or something.  I dunno.

So, how am I?  Let’s just say this last month, especially, has been very difficult.  There have been good days, bad days, REALLY bad days, so-so days.  I’ve had some days where I’ve told the co-workers, who are not used to seeing me in teary mode, “If I appear tearful, just ignore me and for pete’s sake, DONT ask if I’m ok.” (Why do people do that?  If you are crying, perhaps “OK” is not the word you’d use to describe yourself.  Just what IS ok anyway?)

I’ve found myself hibernating a bit more than I have in recent times.  It’s not so much that I’m sitting here in my adorable, homey digs weeping and wailing (although I have, make no mistake). I’m just finding myself chillin’.  I don’t know how to describe it.  Quiet. Lots of thinking.  Lots of reflecting. Lots of praying.  In some ways it’s a really good thing but then again, it’s sad.

 I’m not one to meltdown very often, but, according to my counselor, I should do it more.  I haven’t exactly been great at owning my feelings for many years, in fact, I sorta got numb to them.  I believe they call it in the Psyche world Disassociation.” 

It was kindly humbling to find out that what I always thought was one of my “spiritual gifts”, sarcasm, was really a coping mechanism.  Ain’t that something?  Here I’ve been thinking how stinkin’ clever I can be.  And even more humbling was a couple weeks back, my Sunday School teacher pointed out that the root word of the word “sarcasm” comes from the Greek “sarkaizen” which means to “tear flesh.”  Webster defines sarcasm as “a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain”.  Yikes. 

 Interestingly enough, only in the last year has it ever been directly pointed out to me that ya know, that sarcastic thing you’ve got going is sharp and witty, but, you can hurt people with it.  I’m sure others have thought that but didn’t nobody ever directly say that to me.  I have had a couple instances here on the blog where my sarcasm was hurtful and that was huge for me.

How’d I get on that subject?  I was talking about getting divorced….anyway…I’m not gonna use this space to give details about what happened that led to this, etc.  Me and Mr. Smiff are working very hard at number one, helping our kids to adjust the changes and neither one of us are interested in destroying the other one.  19 years is a long time.  One more year and I would’ve been with him longer than I was with my parents.  I have very strong feelings where Mr. Smiff and his family are concerned.  (Strong as in deep)

So, if you know somebody that’s going through a rough period in their lives…whether it be a divorce, an illness or any number of other tough times, and you don’t quite know what to say, my suggestion is (I’m bout to get Biff on ya) “Drop them” a note or an email that says just that.  I’m here for ya…I care…blah blah…don’t put people on the spot.  Don’t get all in their face and ask for details or try to convince them that they should feel this or that.  Sometimes a hug is good (cept for weirdos like me that aren’t always comfortable with that)…feel it out.  It’s awkward all around.