Posts from the ‘Faith’ Category

And How Was YOUR Friday?

I’ve had a little over 12 hours to let today’s Friday Bombshell settle on me. The pissyness of the whole thing has faded somewhat and I’m onto thinking about what’s next. It’s been a rather weird week all around and interestingly enough, I’m still breathing and I don’t see a gray cloud following me around.  

The whole week has really been rather humbling, which I suppose I needed after the whole car thing and getting inked…(or is that me once again, apologizing for living?)

Let me give you a little background on this gig, for those just tuning in….The Guy That Hired Me(who found me randomly out on the internets-I wasn’t actively looking for another job) was also new to this company, as were a number of other people.  He had been with another company that lots of people would recognize the name of if they heard it.   He got to this company through another one of the executive-types there that he knew from his former employment.  He told me, the day he interviewed me, that the Exec guy was a “good friend.”  Maybe he is, but, I never sensed a lot of warmth there.  I got the impression from the Git-Go that the other Executive Dudes seemed to keep a very defined distance from him. 

Guy That Hired Me (GTHM)…he seemed to be a nice guy. Very smart but a little too fond of Excel spreadsheets for my taste. 

I told him the day I interviewed with him, both on the phone and in person, “I am not an Excel aficionado.”  Now, I don’t know if he forgot that, didn’t hear me say it or what (I’ve been to a few trainings on Excel through the years. Excel is one of those things that if you don’t use it, you lose it.) Dude wanted EVERYTHING in Excel form. He had some anal things about him that I saw as a little “quirky” but hey, I love quirk. I get quirky. I can appreciate quirkly cause I are quirky my own self (but in a good way).

The Guy told me one day….”I didn’t hire you for your organizational skills; I hired your for your personality.”  I think that was a compliment, pretty sure.   I think the Guy had a specific agenda there that he thought, for whatever reason, I could help him accomplish.  I think he wanted to create a “culture” in that place because there didn’t appear to him to be one.  (That’s what he said to me anyway)

I think the Executives at this place (who all seem like genuinely good guys, though hard-assed) didn’t really give a flip about “culture.”  I don’t think they had anything against me personally (I got the feeling that the people in the office enjoyed having me around) but most likely, they would’ve not chosen to hire me , but, allowed this guy some leverage to come in there and bring what he wanted.  They wanted to give him the chance to do that, but, I was pretty unecessary there, bottom line.

  Really though, there was a culture.  A lot of the Hostessing with The Mostessing that GWHM had envisioned for me to do?  There was somebody else doing it.   I don’t know.  (Sorry, TW…I don’t know! Har) There was a real sense of walking on eggshells there because of fear you might be stepping into somebody elses territory.

The people that worked there, for the most part, I really liked and enjoyed getting to know HOWEVER, I noticed pretty quickly that there was indeed an absence of warmth, even though the people were nice.  I can’t really explain it.   Some of them, I REALLY liked but it wasnt at all a feeling of ever seeing these people as “family” like I’ve had in a number of other jobs.   That’s not important to everybody, but, I’ve always felt like if I’m going to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with my work, I sure as hell need to kinda like the people I work with.   That’s a big deal with me. 

At first, I sorta figured it was just because there were so many new people.   I was never 100% comfortable or sure exactly what was expected of me (other than to live by Excel).   Also, the fact that it was a strictly Corporate, totally a money making  kinda atmosphere(not that other jobs I’ve had weren’t about that) the kinda thing where it wasn’t about passion for the product but rather a competitive, kick ass thing…He Who Has The Most Toys Wins……after ten years of a “non profit”, “ministry” type of company and then 18 months of working for State Gubment, it was a very different vibe than I was used to.  These people were hardcore and obviously, very into what they’re doing. 

Now, the GTHM.  He’s really good at Sales.  It ocurred to me this evening that THAT is why it was all so appealing to me….he sold this gig to me and talked it up almost like a used car salesman to me.  He’s still at the company, from what I understand, however, he’s been demoted.  The problem was not so much me, but, in all fairness to the Guy That Hired Me, I may not have been what he thought I was.  Perhaps I sold myself pretty good?  I dunno. 

I don’t regret the whole deal …I saw a potential opportunity for myself that seemed to drop in my lap and I would’ve forever kicked myself for letting an opportunity pass (again).  You have to reach up and grab opportunities.  Sometimes stuff works and sometimes it doesn’t. 

 I’m sure there will be  some who will say “I had a feeling that was not gonna work.”  Fine…my sister had Gastric Bypass two years ago.  I don’t think I’d have chosen that route, but, I am not her.  She probably wouldn’t have gone to work for somebody that found her randomly on My Space, but, there…she is not a single mom trying to carve out an independent life for herself.  (I’m not saying the sister has said that to me…just an example) .

Between you and me though…the first few days I was there…the GWHM said he didn’t want the CEO Guy to know he had hired me from My Space…I think that kinda explains it, don’t you?

I’m not worried about getting another job.  I’m well aware of how crappy the Economy is at the moment and there are lots and lots of people outta work.  (Ironically, when I got home this morning, the news about unemployment being the worst it’s been in 34 years was all over the CNN. )

I truly live by the “Consider the Lilies” theory in the Book of Matthew.  If the little birdies and squirrels (and all the other animals are provided for…my Father will provide for me as well cause He says I’m a whole lot more important to Him than the birds or the flowers. There was a reason I was put at this particular place for about 7 weeks.  What that is, I do not know.  But I truly believe (don’t give a rip how cornfilled and cheese-like that may sound) that everything happens for a reason and there arent any coincidences in life.   That simple.  Maybe some think I should be a little more panicky but what is that gonna accomplish, besides raising my blood pressure?  Nada.

I’m kinda excited to see what’s next….

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Through It All

So I’ve got my Dressin’ made (ixnay on the Uffin-stay talk in the South) and I’m about to get myself cleaned up but I have to take a second and reflect on the signifigance of Thanksgiving. 

I am of the mind that Thanksgiving is a mindset I’d like to have every single day of the year.  I look around me and there are so many people really hurting, suffering and going through hell.  I’ve had my share of challenges, but, really, I don’t have it so bad.

I could go on and on about the things this year that have gone down that make me pause and want to hollah how good God has been to me.  I’ve got a great support system of family, some fabulous friends, I have the ability to get up everyday and go to a nice job; I have a roof over my head; food in the fridge; my family is healthy (cept for a few aches and pains amongst us) and really, what I’m most thankful for, cause without it, all the other stuff is moot…I have my salvation.

I could keep babbling, but, Andrae Crouch wrote it so well so I’m gonna let him sing it…this really sums up my frame of mind for Thanksgiving 2008.  I hope yours is whatever you want it to be.

If I’d never had a problem, I’d never known that God could solve it…wouldn’t know what faith in His Word can do.  (Woo!!!)

A Gee’s Afghan Kinda Day

A coupla things in my head that are causing me to ask myself “Does this make me odd?”

I record CBS Sunday Morning every Sunday.  When I was a kid, I read the Sunday comics every week and the Sunday Showcase in the Tennessean.   I guess this takes the place of that?  I love that show.  I don’t know what it is that makes it different from all the other interview/magazine type of shows, but, it is one of the best things on tv, I think.

I love the cold weather.  Today…was perfect.  It just was.  Perfect Curl-Up-On-The-Couch-And-Watch-Tv-With-Gee’s Afghan she made me when I got married.  I love this weather.

Speaking of Gee….y’all who are praying people and y’all who are Vibe Senders/Happy Thought Thinkers, etc…throw one of those things out for Gee. 

“Gee” is actually Judi and I guess if I have something akin to a “Second Mother”, she would be it.  She’s waiting on some serious test results and I don’t want her to be afraid. Nor do I want her husband and kids, who are like family to me, to be afraid.  I don’t have words to express how much the Kirby Bunch means to me. 

I want Judi to be ok really bad.

Mo’ Bettah

We’re doing this song this morning in church. I love it when we rehearse this one. I could just sing this one over and over cause it’s such a happy number and plus, it’s true.

Happy Sunday.

Heaven’s Gates Are Open Wide

I don’t know what posessed me to put that video up early this morning of the Gaither Vocal Band singing Jesus Loves Me. Maybe it was to prepare me for a phone conversation I had to have this evening.

My mom calls me, sounded a little frantic “Mary [her sister in law] called and left a message. Said it’s bad news. I’m ‘fraid my brother’s gone.”

Her brother is 86 years old and has been blessed with pretty good health considering his age and the one-after-the-other tragedies he and his wife have experienced since 1994:

1-Only daughter dies unexpectedly of pneumonia after surgery. I think she was 40-41 years old.
2-Oldest son gets lung cancer. Goes through treatment. Things look good. Then, about a year later, I think it was on a Wednesday, they discovered it was in his liver. He had worked that day. Was dead by that Saturday. I think he was 52 or 53.
3-3 years later, their other son commits suicide.
4-2 years later, daughter in law, wife of oldest son dies of Lou Gehrig’s Disease.
5-Last year, daughter in law, wife of son that died in 2003 dies of cancer. Two late teen/early 20ish sons.

My mother only has a cell phone for long distance. She doesn’t keep the thing charged or on. She doesn’t even have a long distance carrier on her regular phone anymore. So, she calls me and asks me to call Mary. I am dreading this. I’m thinking that if my Uncle Nootsie (nickname) has passed, I am going to have to talk to his wife of 60+ years and it’s gonna be painful. Then, I’m thinking “Oh geez, I am going to have to call Mom and tell her that she is now the sole surviving Sullivan Kid.”

I’m dreading this call, but, at the same time, I’m thinking “Damn…Nootsie’s 86 years old. If he’s gone, then he didn’t suffer. It was probably his heart. He probably mowed his grass recently. A life well lived.”

Something told me though, as I dialed the phone and got the busy signal that it probably wasn’t Nootsie. This was confirmed when my Uncle answered the phone (and sounded eeerily like my mother when she first wakes up and hasn’t had coffee yet) and proceeded to tell me that Steven, his oldest grandchild, was killed in a car wreck today.

You want to hear something absolutely GUT wrenching, listen to an 86 year old man, who has been walking around with a piece of shrapnel in his head since WWII and has a Purple Heart, break down and cry uncontrollably on the phone and then pass the phone to his wife because he can’t say anymore.

Then, I talk to my Aunt Mary, who is crying and I’m thinking “Holy crap…what do you say to this???” I’m not believing what I’m hearing. It’s bad enough to outlive ONE of your children, much less THREE, plus two daughters in law that have been in your family for so long, it’s almost like you gave birth to them, and now their oldest grandchildm the same kid that was born the same week my grandfather died in 1971 and carried his middle name. What the hell????

How is it that Steven took his wife some lunch today at home because she was sick and now he’s dead? Left no skidmarks. Died on impact. And his younger brother and sister now are the only two left in that family? This young guy, who isn’t even 30 yet, helped care for his mother as she suffered that horrendous disease has to call his grandparents, as they’re sitting down for dinner to tell them that once again…….

That same Steven that we used to call “Stevie” who was probably one THE absolute most adorable little boys I’ve ever seen. I haven’t seen Steven since he was about 15. I’ve seen pictures but my picture of him is this kid right here with my sister in about…oh 1977 or 78-
Little Stevie…I think of him as about 3 or 4…with his pajamas with the rhinoceros on it and we’d ask him repeatedly….”Stevie…whats that on your pajamas?” We wanted to hear him say…again….”Ith a bunotheroth.”

So, there I am on the phone with my aunt….listening to her cry, talking about what a good husband Steven was and how crazy he and his wife were about each other…She asks how I am. I can’t quite describe how it humbled me when she asked, yet, I was a little hesitant because sheesh…I have NOTHING to complain about. Humbling because she stopped crying for a minute to ask about each kid by name, etc.

Then, I have to call my mother. She answers the phone and I can tell she’s been crying.
“Well…it’s not Nootsie.”

“Who is it?” she asked me.

“Stevie.”

“What happened?”

I tell her and she hollers “No! HOW MUCH MORE CAN THEY TAKE? THIS CAN’T BE! etc. etc ”

I haven’t heard my mother let loose like that since…gosh….I was probably a little kid. Mom tends to hold her emotions in. Oddly enough, I was glad to hear her do that.

But, it absolutely sucks. It would have been easier to tell her it was her brother, I think.

Consider The Lilies

It was fun to see the guesses people made about what my large news is.

No, Gingah, I am not coming out of the claw-zit.  God knows that there idn’t a thing about me that exciting or interesting.  Yo Sista is not gay. 

That wacky Linda suggested perhaps my large news was that I finally made it out of the Flying Saucer parking lot.  Har-dee-har-har-har.  (Y’all wondered why I didn’t come to the last FS shindig. HA.  It gives me nightmares just thinking about the evening I spent alone…late at night in the Flying Saucer parking lot.  I don’t think I even blogged that experience.  It’s funny now but at the time it wasn’t. I wasn’t even drunk. It woulda been less embarrassing had I been. I need a Designated Driver for the Flying Saucer because I’m obviously a moron with parking lot machines)

Busy Mom had an interesting guess…that I had entered the Convent.  Maybe we won’t rule that possibility out at a later date. 

I did ask Miz Biz, since she is the most Catholic of the Catholic people I know, to give me a Sister name, preferably French.  She did not disappoint-

Sister Mary Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi

No, Bridget…not a house.  (The thought of me walking into a lending institution right now and asking for a loan is funnier to me than my Saint name.  The bank people would need Depends from laughing so hard at that thought. HAR)

The Large News is thus:

I have a new job.  A new job that I was not looking for.  I mean, I had not searched anything for a new job.  I figured now would be pointless to even think about looking for a new job.

This whole process of moving and all that’s gone along with it has been a step out in faith for me.  I felt from the git-go that if this was what I was supposed to be doing, God was gonna make a way cause, well, He’s sorta in the Way-Making business.  Every step has had His handprint all over it, from the place I ended up, to the truck, to my couch, down to the towels we dry off with…it just all fell into place. 

So, as much as I like the work I’ve been doing the last year and a half, it doesn’t pay squat.  Even so, I was not looking for a job. 

A week ago this past Friday evening, I got on My Space.  There was a message with a subject line that said “I Am Looking For An Administrative Assistant.”  My first thought was “Yeah, RIGHT.”

I read the message and the person didn’t ask if I wanted to chat or nothing.  He actually said “If you or anybody you know” is looking.  Pervs don’t usually use that phrase.  I read on and it was for real sounding so I answered back. 

To shorten it, me and this guy emailed back and forth a few times, I had a phone interview and set up a time for me to come out to the office and interview and dadgum it, Doo….I done got maself a dadgum job.  And the thing is…this Dadgum Job pays TWICE as much as what I am making at the moment. 

Not only that, this job (AA to a VP of Sales) has a lot more future than the one I have.  I like what I do and it’s a shame there isn’t more of a future in it, but, reality is reality.   I am pretty excited.  (And yes…this is a legit company with benefits and it’s not Sales of Sex toys or anything like that.)

I have an office!  When I was driving to it the other day, I passed where Kate worked and got excited and thought “Oh wow, we’ll be neighbors!” and then remembered she just left.  I’m talking across the street, too!  It’s just a really good opportunity all around that I would be foolish to not jump at.  I’m still unbelieving how it all came about and dropped into my lap. 

I will miss my peeps I work with, but, they are all happy for me.  They are good people that are probably some of the best people I’ve ever worked with.  I will have to drive to Cool Springs everyday from Hendersonville, but, it’s not that bad of a drive.  I grew up a stones throw from my new office and actually, used to work across Moore’s Lane 20 years ago. 

There’s a Full-Circle-ish sorta thing about that and I get a bit of a warm fuzzy knowing I’ll be in a familiar area, although when I worked/lived near Cool Springs way back, it wasn’t nothing but a big field.  I’ll be making enough money that it will be worth the drive (yes, I know money isn’t the only reason to take a position.  Believe you me…I learned that a number of years ago the HARD way) but more than any of that, I will be able to pay my bills, take care of myself and my family and not have to worry about getting evicted cause I can’t pay my rent. 

Brad…the new boss, said “I want you to hold your head high.”  Unbelievable. 

Brad strikes me as a similar type guy as the Gentleman Formerly Known As My Boss. I asked him if he was a Micromanager.  He just laughed. 

The thing is that I could have never come up with this.  I’d have never dreamed I’d get a job off My Space.  I’d have never dreamed I would have a really great opportunity like this, at this particular point and time.  I may hate it.  They may hate me.  Who knows? 

I usually cringe when I hear the phrase “God Thing” but really…it just is. 

 

***I usually don’t go back in and add to posts, but, I left something out about the whole thing of God making a way and providing for our needs.  I got my check stub in the mail the other day.  Y’all would faint if you saw how little my two week pay was.  It was coming up on my first time to pay rent and I sorta choked on that and realized that ok, I have $25 to live on the next two weeks.  Yee haw. 

I got home yesterday and got my mail and there was a card from a very dear, longtime friend that I don’t talk to a whole lot.  Sweet note from her and there was a gift card in it to Wal Mart for $50.  I started laughing and crying at the same time at how my “Imaginary Friend” tends to provide for me and knows what I need. 

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]? 26Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 27“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

I’ve introduced y’all to Matt hadn’t I? Some of y’all know him already.  Matt is my pastor.  (I make it sound like he’s all mine.) He’s my “spiritual guru.”  Heh.  That probably makes him cringe.  Not as much as “Reverend” would though. 

Matt is not your Ma-Maw’s Baptist preacher….Not just cause he makes cool videos.  His whole style and approach to ministering is just so…Matt.  I think I relate to him so well cause he is my brutha, not only in Jesus, but, in all things of an Attention Deficted nature.

Good and exciting stuff is happening down Indian Lake Rd. at Bluegrass. You arta come check it out.