Posts from the ‘Loss’ Category

Fly To Jesus…And Live


I’m so glad I got up early so I could get to the 8:00 Memorial Service for dear Bro. Glenn Weekley. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Bro. Glenn’s sons in law, both Reverends Richard Ryan and Brady Cooper of New Vision Baptist Church in Murfreesboro who, incidentally, since Bro. Glenn is gone is now probably my favorite preacher guy around…both guys paid a loving tribute to their father in law and mentor. The congregation sang his favorite hymns, we saw wonderful video clips, and that sanctuary, packed at 8:00 in the morning, was full of people deep in their own reflection of what Bro. Glenn meant to them. It was a powerful, emotional,yet, uplifting time for everybody in that room and I’m sure for the no telling how many that came to the later services.

Rev. Courtney Wilson, who was Bro. Glenn’s predecessor at FBC shared of their unique friendship through the years and read from John 14. My dad always called that “The Holiday Inn” verse. He used that term to explain to us as little kids how when we traveled and stayed at Holiday Inns (we did that a lot) they had a room ready for us so we could stay there, same thing with Jesus…he’s got a room waiting for us. That verse always gets to me.

The service ended with the congregation singing “How Great Thou Art”. After we sang the second to last verse, the lights went down, nothing even on the screens, but, Bro. Glenn’s voice. Because I was so caught up in hearing his voice over the sound system as if he were standing there, I can’t remember what he was saying. (Jamey Tucker…help me here)

I was glad to run into my former co-worker, sweet little Bonnie, who I haven’t seen since my last day of work at Lifeway a year ago last week. We were a little too tearful to chat, but, I was glad to see her. There were so many people there, you almost couldn’t tell who was who. I was glad I saw Jamey Tucker and his beautiful family in the parking lot and got to say hey to him. He has the most lovely wife!

Then, I had to go home and redo the eye makeup before I went to my church cause I cried it all off. It didn’t take long from when the service started for me to get all boo-hooey and this song here, “Come To Jesus” sung beautifully by the choir and Lewis Lea is what started it. I’ve sung that with that choir many times.

I think that’s one of the things that stands out the most to me about Bro. Glenn in worship services. When the choir was singing, and if he was moved, he’d always stand and the congregation would follow. Those were my favorite and most meaningful times at that church. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4

The Club

I don’t normally cry during Grey’s Anatomy.  I’m often moved and you’ll get an "mmmm" out of me when they hit on something, but, I don’t think I’ve ever produced actual tears until tonight’s episode.  I’m a member of that club, too, and I loved how Christina said how it all never changes, getting used to being in a world without your dad. 

Whoever wrote this episode tonight has experienced losing a dad.  I know this because they nailed it.  I wasn’t there when my dad took his last breath and it was a different setting (he was at home, no machines except oxygen) I remember how when the call came and Mr. Smiff hung up the phone and said "He’s gone" my first thought being "How?" It didn’t seem possible. 

George’s standing there at the very last…I couldn’t help but remember the last time I stood at my dad’s bedside, about an hour and a half before he died.

I still don’t know why I didn’t want to be there when the time came.  I guess it was fear.  Something else was I didn’t want anybody to see me cry nor did I particularly care to see everybody else cry.   Isn’t that insane? It just seemed too heavy for me so I insisted we had to take the then, barely 6 week old Manchild to get his shots.  What an idiot.

I didn’t cry a whole lot in subsequent weeks and months because I just didn’t. Nobody really seemed interested in how I felt so I just went along with the idea that everybody goes throw this sort of thing.  Don’t be a baby. Pretend everything is just peachy keen and just smile and wave.  Ha.  About 8 months later, I was having debilitating panic attacks and thought for sure I was dying of cancer.  My ob/gyn recognized the grief along with Postpartum Depression and had the wisdom to send me to a wonderful therapist who didn’t give me any sort of pill.  She told me it was ok to cry.  I sat there in her office, feeling like I was going to explode and she said "It’s right here isn’t it?"  pointing at the throat.  How did she know?  I never had the same kind of panic episode again. 

I remember standing there looking at Dad. He was already at that point where they breath here and there.    It was so sad There was a ton I wanted to say, but, I’m stupid that way and I was totally at a loss.  I was about to say something and the hospice nurse walked in, obviously not realizing that this was my Big Moment.  I blew it. The kid in me didn’t want the nurse to think I was weird or something.  Obviously, I realize now that lady had been with many a family by a deathbed.  I don’t beat myself up over that.  I was just a girl. 

Poor guy, was always such a hugger and toucher and I never reciprocated and even then, him being mostly unconscious, I was as awkward and totally didn’t know how to say goodbye or whatever it is you do.  My dad was pretty perceptive and loved to analyze people so I figure he understood and knowing him, probably felt really bad for me to have to face that just a week after my 23rd birthday. He had his own father til he was in his 50’s.  I was too young for that. 

I’m anxious to see what the writers say about tonight’s episode