Posts from the ‘Things That Make You Go “Ewwww”’ Category

Read At Your Own Risk

As a rule, I’m not one to photograph body parts and blog them cause, well, I don’t want to gross you nice people out.  If’n I had lovely body parts, I’d probably blog them from time to time.  Plus, this is a family blog (for the most part).  I’m going to make an exception cause y’all just have to see this.  Some things have to be seen to be believed.

I got those shots day before yesterday, right?  Cortisone is a piece of cake.  The antibiotic one was really thick and was the color of really concentrated pee.  (Sorry, I don’t know how else to describe).  The first few hours I had it, it was painful, swollen and left a knot.  It was kinda bluish, about the size of a nickel that first night.  I took some analgesics before I went to bed and it took the extreme throbby-ness and soreness out.

By yesterday afternoon, when I got home, I wanted to see what it looked like.  Mr. Smiff let out a rather large gasp and said something like “My God.”  This is what it looks like now (I apologize for any mouth throwing up that may occur from what you are about to see.  I am giving you warning to step away)

sharons-bruise.jpgI didn’t know there were so many shades of purple, did you?  I have to be strategic with how I sit.  It’s still pretty sore but it’s not throbbing anymore. I know it’s going to get uglier as it fades to that lovely green. 

Again, your Sista apologizes for any trauma you may have incurred by this post. I’ve never claimed a nice butt.

Rambling, ADD Tuesday

I am a bad, horrible person.  I just am. 

I knew something was up with Robin Roberts.  I’m a pretty loyal GMA watcher while I’m getting ready in the mornings.  I got hooked on that whiter than white bunch while I was home, in between jobs.  Chris Cuomo is just too dang cute for words. 

Robin was MIA for a bit and something in the way Diane said she was “on assignment” just didn’t fly with me.  When she first came back (this is why I feel so bad) her eyes were puffy and because I’m so smart and know everything, I said out loud (the the snoring Mr. Smiff) “She had her eyes done!” 

I do feel bad cause I like Robin.  I say that like I’ve known her forever.  Remember when she did weekend sports on Channel 4 in the 80’s?

Yay! McCeemy’s back on American soil.

Yay! I am having lunch with the Gentleman Formerly Known As My Boss tomorrow!  The best boss evah.

I’d like very much to have lunch with my Shishter sometime in the next decade.

#2 is reportedly having a blast with his cousins in Knoxville.  I wonder if my sister has begun drinking heavily?  I asked #2 on the phone yesterday if he was having fun with Payton and Hannah and in his direct, from the hip, #2 style he said “That’s what I’m here for.”  Duh.

You need to read my pal Chris in Texas’ new and improved blog.

I love the smell and flavor of pickles, however, I do not like to bite into them.  What is up with that?

I have a new job.  I’m in the same office, just handling different duties.  I think this is going to be a perfect fit for me and will help me a ton when I get in school.  Take it from your Sista…you do not want to get any form of Hepatitis or any tick-borne illness.  Trust me on this one.  Wash your hands and use your repellent with DEET when you go outside.  I don’t have either of these types of illnesses, but, I’m dealing with them on a daily basis now.  Shigella and MRSA  are some other things you don’t want neither.

It’s no wonder I’m anemic.  I mean, it’s just no wonder.  If they start letting people have elective hysterectomies, count me in. I’m over this.  This is the part about being a female I hate and I don’t feel like turning flips like Cathy Rigby used to do nor do I feel fresh.  I ache from head to toe right now.   Poor Mr. Smiff.  They need to put something about that time of the month in marriage vows. 

Daryl Worley-We Haven’t Forgotten; Now Put Your Britches Back On!

Darryl Worley…hon’….I’m sure you are a nice guy.  Your singing is passable, although you don’t sound any different than that other feller named Daryl. That “Have You Forgotten Song” was ok.   I also get you mixed up with that Blake Shelton guy.   I’m guessing part of the motivation for feeling the need to brag about the “sexual element” you’re adding to your show and this can’t hep yourself thing about showing the world your junk is that there’s not much about you that stands out.  It’s just all kinds of wrong.  Stop it.  Right now.  Ewwww and ewwww.

You saw this coming….this reminds me sorta kinda of a story.   Gather ’round, kids.

One time, about 1979, the family took our one and only beach trip to Ft. Walton Beach, FL.  Fun times for sure.  One of the standout things I remember about that trip was that was the first time I’d seen a picture of a nekkid man.  You know who it was?  Gregory Harrison.  He was on “Trapper John, MD.”   I was grossed out.  (Remember, I was 10 and Baptist).  I imagine some innocent, sheltered, little girl will open up a Playgirl magazine at Alvins Island and get the same gag-a-maggot reaction as I did.

Incase you’re wondering what the other stand-out memory from that trip…it was that Wolfman Jack was staying in the same motel as we were.  He was doing some show down there or something.  He had a room on the main floor, by the pool.  My dad pointed out the Wolfman taking a snooze on the bed, with the curtains open.  I think the Wolfman was doing that on purpose.  That was also not a pretty sight, as I recall.

And it never fails, anytime I see that Gregory Harrison in a Lifetime movie (see, Playgirl doesn’t take you places, career-wise) I think “That’s the first nekkid feller I ever saw.” 

If it were Dierks Bentley disrobing, ok, yeah, that’s something people would be interested in.  Heck, even Porter Wagoner (who is allegedly legendary for something besides the Carroll County Accident, if’n you know what I mean) is somebody I might chunk down some change to see in the Playgirl….if I were into buying boyly magazines like that.