Posts from the ‘Wild Things’ Category

Barbara Jean’s Ghost

My mother, in her advancing age, continues to shock the heck outta me. 

When she shacked up (briefly, before she and her late husband Charles married) and had wine in her fridge?  I sorta went “Do what?”  But that didn’t make me go all Wile E. Coyote like this conversation I had with her the other day. It went a little something like this:

“Well, the Ghost showed up at work again.  I heard her”.  Now, she said this like she was telling me she had gone to Walgreens and picked up her Premarin.  (ALL my life, I’ve heard her talk about that.)

I thought I was hearing things. 

The same woman who always spake of how dangerous it was to mess with such things, was telling me about the Ghost at Work.  Do whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

She went on and on about the flickering lights and odd happenings at her office building.  She even said….”Well, you know…somebody died there one time.  AND where that building is was a Confederate battlefield.” 

I’m not saying there is not ghosteses over there, I was just SHOCKED to hear my mother talking about it like that and then she was saying how she likes to watch that Ghost Hunter show.  Again, do whaaaaaaaaaaat?

There, she and Biff wouldn’t let us watch James at 16 or Three’s Company because of sackshul references.  Least there wasn’t no references to the Unexplained?

She was saying she didn’t want to go in a certain hallway or something and I found myself saying “Now, Mom…what you do is tell them to get on outta there cause you got work to do.”

It was just odd.

Phone The Neighbors, Wake The Kids…

It must be a really slow newsday today.  Why?  Because Channel 4’s TOP newstory this afternoon is the breaking story that Kenny Chesney is comfortable with being bald

Well, praise the Lord and pass the Afro Sheen.  I’m sure the billionty other bald fellers will feel a WHOLE lot better about themselves now since Kenny’s ok with it.

I happen to think bald is very hot.  I do not, however, think Kenny Chesney is hot.

In Which I Am Very Vague

You know how there are those occasions you are hit with a brutal reality that you knew was there, but, at the same time, it wasn’t an issue because it was never really brought up and you didn’t really think a whole lot about it because it was something you never saw with your own eyes?

Then, when you are reminded of Said Brutal Realities you go “Ohhhhhhhhhhh.  So THAT’S the deal?”  Then everything makes perfect sense and you feel like a huge weight has been lifted and that you really weren’t losing your mind after all?

I love it when that happens.  I just hate that I didn’t figure it out way sooner cause it woulda saved me a lotta mental energy.  Or maybe I knew it, but, just didn’t want to know that was the deal.

Bye Y’all

Boss Chris cuts my Goodbye cake…yes, that’s dental floss.

Maybe I’m petty but this woman crashed my Goodbye Shindig.  This woman that used to work there came to visit right in the middle of MY cake.

I wouldn’t be so pissed about it if this woman didn’t think she was abducted by aliens and lived on a spaceship for a time.  Yeah, you read that right.  She even wrote books about it.   And she crashed my Goodbye.

Consider The Lilies

It was fun to see the guesses people made about what my large news is.

No, Gingah, I am not coming out of the claw-zit.  God knows that there idn’t a thing about me that exciting or interesting.  Yo Sista is not gay. 

That wacky Linda suggested perhaps my large news was that I finally made it out of the Flying Saucer parking lot.  Har-dee-har-har-har.  (Y’all wondered why I didn’t come to the last FS shindig. HA.  It gives me nightmares just thinking about the evening I spent alone…late at night in the Flying Saucer parking lot.  I don’t think I even blogged that experience.  It’s funny now but at the time it wasn’t. I wasn’t even drunk. It woulda been less embarrassing had I been. I need a Designated Driver for the Flying Saucer because I’m obviously a moron with parking lot machines)

Busy Mom had an interesting guess…that I had entered the Convent.  Maybe we won’t rule that possibility out at a later date. 

I did ask Miz Biz, since she is the most Catholic of the Catholic people I know, to give me a Sister name, preferably French.  She did not disappoint-

Sister Mary Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi

No, Bridget…not a house.  (The thought of me walking into a lending institution right now and asking for a loan is funnier to me than my Saint name.  The bank people would need Depends from laughing so hard at that thought. HAR)

The Large News is thus:

I have a new job.  A new job that I was not looking for.  I mean, I had not searched anything for a new job.  I figured now would be pointless to even think about looking for a new job.

This whole process of moving and all that’s gone along with it has been a step out in faith for me.  I felt from the git-go that if this was what I was supposed to be doing, God was gonna make a way cause, well, He’s sorta in the Way-Making business.  Every step has had His handprint all over it, from the place I ended up, to the truck, to my couch, down to the towels we dry off with…it just all fell into place. 

So, as much as I like the work I’ve been doing the last year and a half, it doesn’t pay squat.  Even so, I was not looking for a job. 

A week ago this past Friday evening, I got on My Space.  There was a message with a subject line that said “I Am Looking For An Administrative Assistant.”  My first thought was “Yeah, RIGHT.”

I read the message and the person didn’t ask if I wanted to chat or nothing.  He actually said “If you or anybody you know” is looking.  Pervs don’t usually use that phrase.  I read on and it was for real sounding so I answered back. 

To shorten it, me and this guy emailed back and forth a few times, I had a phone interview and set up a time for me to come out to the office and interview and dadgum it, Doo….I done got maself a dadgum job.  And the thing is…this Dadgum Job pays TWICE as much as what I am making at the moment. 

Not only that, this job (AA to a VP of Sales) has a lot more future than the one I have.  I like what I do and it’s a shame there isn’t more of a future in it, but, reality is reality.   I am pretty excited.  (And yes…this is a legit company with benefits and it’s not Sales of Sex toys or anything like that.)

I have an office!  When I was driving to it the other day, I passed where Kate worked and got excited and thought “Oh wow, we’ll be neighbors!” and then remembered she just left.  I’m talking across the street, too!  It’s just a really good opportunity all around that I would be foolish to not jump at.  I’m still unbelieving how it all came about and dropped into my lap. 

I will miss my peeps I work with, but, they are all happy for me.  They are good people that are probably some of the best people I’ve ever worked with.  I will have to drive to Cool Springs everyday from Hendersonville, but, it’s not that bad of a drive.  I grew up a stones throw from my new office and actually, used to work across Moore’s Lane 20 years ago. 

There’s a Full-Circle-ish sorta thing about that and I get a bit of a warm fuzzy knowing I’ll be in a familiar area, although when I worked/lived near Cool Springs way back, it wasn’t nothing but a big field.  I’ll be making enough money that it will be worth the drive (yes, I know money isn’t the only reason to take a position.  Believe you me…I learned that a number of years ago the HARD way) but more than any of that, I will be able to pay my bills, take care of myself and my family and not have to worry about getting evicted cause I can’t pay my rent. 

Brad…the new boss, said “I want you to hold your head high.”  Unbelievable. 

Brad strikes me as a similar type guy as the Gentleman Formerly Known As My Boss. I asked him if he was a Micromanager.  He just laughed. 

The thing is that I could have never come up with this.  I’d have never dreamed I’d get a job off My Space.  I’d have never dreamed I would have a really great opportunity like this, at this particular point and time.  I may hate it.  They may hate me.  Who knows? 

I usually cringe when I hear the phrase “God Thing” but really…it just is. 

 

***I usually don’t go back in and add to posts, but, I left something out about the whole thing of God making a way and providing for our needs.  I got my check stub in the mail the other day.  Y’all would faint if you saw how little my two week pay was.  It was coming up on my first time to pay rent and I sorta choked on that and realized that ok, I have $25 to live on the next two weeks.  Yee haw. 

I got home yesterday and got my mail and there was a card from a very dear, longtime friend that I don’t talk to a whole lot.  Sweet note from her and there was a gift card in it to Wal Mart for $50.  I started laughing and crying at the same time at how my “Imaginary Friend” tends to provide for me and knows what I need. 

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]? 26Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 27“Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

No Smoking Allowed

Today is the first day in about, oh gosh, a month maybe, that I have really felt like myself. 

This last month has found me in an unusually stressed out mode of being that frankly, I just don’t like.  I mean, we all have our moments and all that, but, me and stressed out/tense/wired/wound up mode just do not mix. 

I was so stressed out that I considered smoking. 

 I was at the Mapco one day in the middle of the Wiggin’ period and I thought about it.  Then I looked at what cigarettes cost….4.19 a packl!  Who can afford to smoke.  Remember the days when a carton of cigarettes cost less than $20?  Good grief.

I almost smoked a cigarette one night me and Cherry were at Rosepepper.  She was smoking and it’s a good thing all she had was menthols cause I don’t like menthols. 

The real kicker that was proof from Above that I don’t need to smoke was when I drove my mother in her vehicle the other day.  My mother is rarely without a Marlboro (Red) on her person.  She especially likes to smoke in her car and she does often. 

I took her up to Sears and I wasn’t in her car 5 minutes when my eyes got red and were burning like crazy.  I mean, it was like somebody flipped a switch on.  It was like that until we got back to my house and then the burning, red mess stopped.

I swear, I think I’ve become one of those irritating, ex-smokers who becomes “allergic” to cigarette smoke.  I suppose that’s good, but, at the same time, it disturbs me.  There is nothing more aggravating as an ex-smoker who is high and mighty about the habit. 

There are times though, that I miss smoking.  I wish I could smoke one a month or something.  I know better than that though.   I miss it in social situations.  Now that you can’t smoke in most places, when people say “Let’s go outside and smoke”…dang, I miss it then.  Except when it’s 20 degrees out.

A Piece of the Pie

It has been an exhausting weekend and I can’t remember the last time I was as physically tired as I was last night when I laid down to go to bed, but, this last 48 hour period has, without a doubt, been one of the most surreal, unbelievable two days of my life.  It all hasn’t sunk in yet. 

This right here…is my Special Happy Place.