Archive for April, 2006

All About Perspective

I was sad to see that Nashville attorney Charlie Williams passed away this week.

Years and years ago, I worked a temp job in his law firm over on Woodland St. in East Nashville. I remember being impressed with him because I was quite intimidated being in a law office for the first time and he was very warm and welcoming to me. I did temp work for about a year and it was not the norm for the Big Guy of the company to make an effort to say “hello” and chat.

The big thing I associate with Charlie Williams is that it was in his office that I first used email, Windows and a mouse. I thought it was the most far out thing I had ever seen. The email was only inter-office to send messages, but, it was totally different than filling out the standard office message. I had worked with computers some before that, but, it was the black background with orange letters. This was in 1990.

My 71 year old mother is today, taking a computer class and she was so upset with the mere fact she has to, in order to clock in at her work. She totally does not get the computer age. She also is still coming to grips with the fact that Ike no longer lives in the White House.

Her biggest concern about having to use a computer? Coming up with an 8 letter password.

I sometimes forget that Mom did not come up in the computer age and have to remind myself that email and the world wide web have not always been part of everday life. I can almost compare my first experience with email at Mr. Williams’ law firm with how it probably was back in Mom’s day when she first encountered that thing they call “television.”

Jesus Take The Wheel

I think some of these big ol mega churches in the Greater Nashville area need to offer a ministry that would be most beneficial to their parishoners (as well as the heathen population) and that would be DRIVER EDUCATION. To my knowledge, there is no such bird, but, they oughta be.

Yesterday evening, I get off at the New Shackle Island exit in Hendersonville and nearly got run off the road by this big ol’ van with a woman driving and her young son in the front. I recognized her as the wife of somebody I’ve known all my life..somebody I went to church with for many years. I thought it ironic that her oversized, gas guzzling, family roadster (that nearly pushed my sensibly sized mini-van off the dang road) had this huge bumper sticker on the back that announced “I Love Jesus!”

Last September, the week after Katrina hit, I was coming down I-65 there by Trinity Lane one morning and this big trailer that had something on it how it was New Orleans bound full of relief supplies, and imblazened on the side with “Heaven’s Angels”, just about did the same thing to me as the Jesus van had done.

My shishter, Sherian, tells stories, at least once a week, of a fellow employee who can’t drive. It’s the same scenario every time she tells it and she gets furious just telling it, she tells it better than me….

“it’s always the same story. He gets over in the far, left hand lane…and then waits until the last 40/65 split (right beside the Worlds Largest Adult Bookstore) and then he swerves over. He has worked here over ten years, so he KNOWS that he has to get into the far RIGHT hand lane. Does he think that all of his pro-life and Jesus bumper stickers, give him a pass to cut people off? Does he purposely stay in that far lane, so that he is not tempted to look over at the dirty bookstore? I bet that’s it! But I don’t care what his reason is….it ticks me off. I’m ticked off, just writing to you about it! It’s like he doesn’t even check his mirrors before changing lanes. He will cut so close, that I have to stomp on my brakes. Ugh, I need a valium.”

What is it about being part of the Family of God and you not being able to drive??? I love the Lord, folks, but, thanks to Him and that ol crabby B. Nelson and Coach Danny Chapman at Franklin High School, I have good driving sense.

I suppose people think that the “God Is My Co-Pilot” license plates/stickers mean they can just put it on cruise control and He’ll glide them on in to work since they don’t have brain one when it comes to being behind the wheel of a car. God’s people can’t drive!

I Nominate For Mother of the Year…

The cute kids belong to Cousin Kelly down in Lafayette, LA.

Cousin Kelly had three babies in less than three years, is over 40, works full time and her husband, Joey, is currently working in Iraq. (Not military, but, working over there for a year). During all this baby making, Kelly also dealt with her mother’s illness and death from cancer.

They are so fond of giving people like Katie Couric and Kathie Lee Gifford “Mother of the Year” awards. Mother of the year???? Give me a break. Anybody who employs a nanny should automatically be disqualified from being on the receiving end of anything like that is what I say.

I myself have three children. The first two were 20 months apart, but, when I had them, I was in my early 20’s and stayed home all the time. It was easier having those two close together than the 5 years between #2 and #3. I don’t think I could do it at the ripe old age of 37.

Three kids is a big change from 2 kids, as having 2 kids is a totally different thing than having 1. I think after 4, it doesn’t make any difference. You have a housefull. These people that have these tribes of children on purpose is a mystery to me.

My grandmothers must not’ve known better or maybe they did. My one grandmother had 5 children and always regretted not having that 6th child. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?! My other grandmother had 8 children…no Pampers, no microwaves… Prozac and other anti-depressants. How in the world did they make it?!?!

Put Your Sweet Lips A Little Closer To The Phone….

Sometimes, I’m just weird. I know this. I know I have some kinks in my personality and psyche that are hard for people to understand, especially me.

I used to have more moments like this when I was younger, but, praise God, they seem to get fewer and fewer as I get older. Moments when you do something, say something and you just feel so stupid later, kicking and hating yourself.

Mr. Smiff and the boys are recording their second cd. They have been looking for songs, which is not as easy as one might think. With a 6 guy band, pleasing everybody, plus the record company, etc. can get a little tricky. I should’ve been an A & R person or a songplugger…I love putting together songs with people and do it all the time, in my mind. I had the bright idea that they should ask Bill Anderson for some songs.

Whisperin’ Bill, as most know, is an amazing songwriter and his string of hits are about a mile long; “City Lights,” “Once A Day”,”When Two Worlds Collide” and the recently named CMA Song of the Year, “Whiskey Lullabye.” Ol’ Whisper’s still got it. He’s hip. He’s happenin.

I’ve known Bill off and on for many years, although I can’t claim to be a close, intimate friend of his. Now, he and my dad shared a nice friendship for many years so he knows me as part of the Biffer and now, as part of the Smiff’s. I doubt he’d recognize me if he saw me at, say, Wal Mart or the Kroger. If I were to say “Hey, Bill, I’m so and so”…he’d be like “Hey Sista Smiff! How are ya…blah blah” (It kinda sucks always being somebody’s daughter or wife and now somebody’s Mom. Most of the greater Hendersonville area somehow knows #2. Everytime we go out, somebody says hi to him and usually, I have no idea who they are)

Anyhow, so Bill and Mr. Smiff have been conversing this week and Bill has a cd for the boys to listen to. Yay. Mr. Smiff calls me this morning and says “Bill can come drop the cd off at your work since he’s down there right now. Call him, here’s his number.”

I can’t call Bill Anderson!! He’s…Whisperin’ Bill! He’s in the Nashville Songwriter’s Hall of Fame….he’s a member of the Grand Ole Opry, he’s been on Family Feud, he’s been on “One Life To Live”, he’s been on Tattle Tales! I’m too intimidated and skeered to call Bill Anderson. How lame am I? What is my issue with the phone?? I need therapy.

Mr. Smiff is laughing at me saying “Call him. He likes you.” I just couldn’t. As I said on my 100 Things, I am not much for phone calling no way, but, to call The Whispering One? I just couldn’t. Why in the name of Roy Acuff did Mr. Smiff not give Bill MY number? This went back and forth for about 5 minutes and I was nearly in tears. (I told you I’m odd) Finally, Mr. Smiff says “I’ll call him.” I could tell he was irritated at me.

I felt like such a retard. Kinda like the time when I was about 10 and Willie Nelson called Dad (they had a wife in common; not my mother) and he wanted to put me on the phone and I refused because, dang…it was Willie Nelson! One of those neat opportunities but you’re too nervous to jump at it. Kinda like Chris Farley telling Paul McCartney he wasn’t really dead. “IDIOT!”

Anyway, everything turned out ok. Bill came by my work, making Betty, the Security Guy’s day, and a few others. I had gotten a phone call a little after I returned from picking the package up and this woman says “I saw Bill Anderson downstairs!” Heh. Yeah, me too.

Bill is cool.

Crazy Kin

Everybody’s got crazy relatives. I mean, a family just ain’t a family without the resident wacko who’s had one too many drinks in their time or just fell off the Psycho Truck and can’t hep it. I’ve got quite a few of them in my family tree. (Of course, that description fits NOBODY in this photo!)

My friend, Sherian, has a crazy cousin named Steven. Cousin Steven likes to keep in touch and a few years back while Sherian’s sister, Angie, was serving as a missionary in Africa, he kept close touch with some rather humorous emails. Sherian’s been cleaning out her email box this morning and thankfully, shared them with me. These are just random lines from various emails. I was wishing I’d have worn my Depends today after reading them.

Some of the funnier lines:

I forgot to wish you happy holidays in my last e-mail. I don’t know yet if we’re all going to get together in Pulaski or not. Our family will probably go out to eat and be done with it. I’ve been meaning to ask you, do they have beer in Africa? Ha. Ha.

I’ve been real busy here lately detailing cars and trucks at a car lot in [insert city name here]. A friend of mine works there and he’s been getting me the work. They’re not real demanding so they’re easy to please. I took Dad out to eat Thanksgiving with the money I earned. What will you eat for the holidays, “rump roast of hippo?” Ha. Ha. That was a good one wasn’t it?

I know I brag somewhat but I’m really good at house cleaning.

I’m glad you lived through the stampede. I imagine it was pretty scary not knowing what the situation was. Pretty funny though. I had a big argument at the convenience site on Shelbyville RD recently with two old goats (men)!

As far as the people go who have vices that interfere with them providing for their families, try to encourage them to try to be functional as possible. I drink too much but when there is work, I go for it. Plus I give Dad at least half of my earnings so I won’t blow it all.

One draw back! I rode with a rap music loving redneck! My little nephew Chris, Donald’s boy. I told him before I got in the truck that I wanted to drive slow and to keep the radio down. Just the opposite. I had such a headache that when I was a few miles from home I told him to stop so I could get out and I walked the rest of the way home. He was so disrespectful. I don’t think I’ll ever get in the truck with him again. I think he was intentionally annoying. It was that aggravating. Are you goin to preach when you get home or go into education?

***This one’s my favorite**** Hey Angie! I think you’re beginning to work on me with your religious work. Keep it up and maybe I’ll be able to hold my head up higher and prouder some day. Even though I’m feeling better about myself more and more these days. After all, I haven’t been before the local judge in years. Good boy Steven. I got distracted. My cat was playing these wind chimes I have hanging from a wall light in the dining room. I may have a 35 ft motor home to detail soon.

On the lighter side now. You won’t believe what happened recently. No one had seen this elderly neighbor of ours for a while and I had been trying to call her for a week to no avail. Well anyway, I called the police and they kicked in her front door and the odor was so bad we thought she was in there dead. What we found though was a really stinking, nasty, house with garbage strewn all about. The police called human services and they came out and condemned her house. We found out she was in the hospital the whole time. For some strange reason, she didn’t think it was anyone’s business in the neighborhood to know she was in the hospital. The Department of Human Services got in touch with her son and told him that since he allowed his mother to live in such filth they would give him the job of cleaning the house out and up. So far he has hauled off at least four truck loads of trash out of the house. He has yet to begin cleaning the house on the inside! They’re both made at me for right now but when she is allowed to move back in and she sees the difference they will probably realize that I was sincerely concerned about her wellbeing.

Picked up your latest e-mail today (9/3/02) and was trying to sneak a peek reading it while driving home, but I was all over the road and this cop was in front of me looking back. So I put it down and waited until I got home to read it.

Something to tell you. I was helping this city police officer down the road clean out his storage barn and he and I hauled his garbage to the convenience site out in the county. There’s this stop sign that nobody ever stops for unless something is coming so I just went through it like it wasn’t there. He asked what the sign back there said and I looked at him kinda funny and said it said stop and just kept on driving. It’s a hundred and fifteen dollar ticket. And I said well there are no police around and I don’t stop at them if it’s clear. Well we unloaded the garbage and coming back I went through it again. I looked at him and said well I’ve saved $230 today. pretty good ain’t it. He just shook his head and tightened his seat belt. My driving is pretty bad. I used to smoke that pot hot and heavy when I was younger and it might have slightly altered a few noggin cells. [You think??!?] But I’ll live to tell I did so what the heck. Are you go to be able to have a Christmas tree of any kind this Christmas? I haven’t seen anything in your pictures that resembled anything like that.

Tell all of your new friends in Africa we’re thinking of them. I’ve got some trees to cut up back in the field.
Love, Steven

What’s The Point?

I get my BellSouth bill this morning and you know, what point is there to even have a land line anymore? If we call long distance, we use the cell. I’m not one of these people attached to the cell but it seems to me, we’re paying Ma Bell so our 12-going-on-13-year-old daughter can get calls from her best frien 53 times a day.

Quote of the Day

This is #2 Son. He is quite humorous. He is very much into cuss words of late. He doesn’t really have a potty mouth but he is really learning about how bad words aren’t good.

We’ve been lucky with the kids, considering their dad is a road musician, they’ve not ever been known to spew musician language around, although about a month ago, as #2 and I were leaving the church one night after an activity, he said to me “What time is it?” I told him it was 7:30, to which he replied “Oh shit….now I’m gonna miss my show.”

A few minutes ago, he says “Mom, have you ever heard of a place called ‘Old Hickory Dam?” Why, yes I have.

“Not the bad word ‘damn’, but, ‘dam’ like a fishin’ place.”

Seems he has in his head that Mom can, and will be willing to, make fish sticks out of whatever he catches.

HA! The only fish sticks that come in this house come in a yellow box with “Gorton’s” on it.

Big Daddy O

Mr. Smiff has this knot in the palm of his hand. It’s pretty tender to the touch. It turned up after he used the axe to chop some crap down in our yard on Good Friday. It’s kinda bluish underneath the skin and also on the same hand he frets the bass with. I told him it looked sorta like the blood clot an old co-worker had in her hand one time so I called the doctor and sent him on to have it looked at this morning. Ewwww…I hope it’s not a blood clot cause they’re liable to do that little procedure where they suck it out. I don’t know how Mr. Smiff would handle such a procedure. Mr. Smiff doesn’t do sickly well. A cold pretty much renders him bedridden.

He did survive his vasectomy pretty well though, which I was quite surprised. This was right after #2 Son was born in 1998. I had originally planned to have my tubes tied, but, due to an unexpected traumatic birth (I’ll tell that story come July on #2’s birthday…stay tuned), Mr. Smiff announced that I would not go through surgery following delivery of a nearly 10 lb baby with no medication. (Good story…trust me, it’s worth the wait)

When #2 was a few weeks old, I went ahead and called the urologist and made the appointment for Mr. Smiff’s big day. When I told him the appointment was made, he didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. V Day was not something he was looking forward to.

V Day came and the urologist in charge’s name was Dr. Little. I am not kidding. Mr. Smiff loved that. As he recollected later, Dr. Little was pretty chatty throughout the procedure, even shared that one of the doctor’s in their rather large urology group performed his own vasectomy. I am of the mind that all urologists tell a similar story to their patients to calm them down because I’ve heard somebody else tell that.

Me and then baby #2 Son sat in the waiting room waiting for Daddy Smiff to emerge as the new man he would be. He came out, walking rather slowly and his hair was mussed and I have to admit, I felt a little bad for the guy. I didn’t feel so bad that I wished I’d have gone ahead with the tubal ligation in his stead though. I think my body had sacrificed enough birthin’ three babies and the pregnancies leading up to them.

I think even Mr. Smiff would tell any prospective vasect-tee that it was not all that bad. He was a little sore that first day (frozen peas are a great invention) but after that, he was doing his regular routine. I think he found the “follow up visits” to the urologist with his “gift” to them, a little tedious but almost 8 years later, I think he’s grateful for those visits when he hears a crying baby.

No bloodclot for Mr. Smiff…apparently, it’s some sort of cyst. The doc told him to get cornpads to put on it. The thought of Mr. Smiff going to get corn pads and walking around with them on his hand is more humorous than I can express.

A Day in Franklin

I went to Franklin today.

Not THAT Franklin, but, the other one in Kentucky. I have never been in Franklin proper before today. Passed the exit and all but never been inside the city limits.

Franklin, Kentucky is a cute little town. They have the cutest town square and everything “downtown” is closed on Saturday afternoon. The happening place to be on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Franklin appears to be the Frosty Freeze. It was one of those old timey dairy dip places that has probably been there since God was a boy and there were people crawling all over that place. People in Franklin, KY sit on their front porches on Main St. Franklin has a Piggly Wiggly and a little cafe called the Sassy Lassie.

We ate at probably the only Mexican restaurant in town and it was great. I’m a bad blogger and can’t remember the name of it, but, they have Quesadillas to die for.

We went along with Mr. Smiff and crew to the James Monroe Bluegrass Festival. There were dozens and dozens of wild bluegrass fans and my girl, Roni Stoneman didn’t even show. (BUMMER!) I was so distraught, I didn’t even stay for the second set. I opted for the quiet Smiff House all to myself for a few precious hours.

James Monroe is the son of the Father of Bluegrass, Bill Monroe. James’ claim to fame is….well, his late daddy. James has attempted many business ventures in his lifetime and every single one of them has failed. As Mr. Smiff says, he is consistent. I kinda think it’s sad to be his age and never accomplished anything on his own merit, but, hey, at least he is a man of “vision” and he keeps on pluggin’.

Driving up towards Franklin, we passed I don’t know how many billboards advertising James’ new music hall up there and each one had his face on it.

We get to the venue and there are cases and cases and cases of water bottles….with James’ picture on it.

The sound at the venue sounded like a bad a.m. radio. I swear, I think they went down to the local Baptist church and said “Hey…can we borrow your sound system and Bubba to run it for us?” The guys also reported that the stage bowed in the middle and they were somewhat afraid the sucker would collapse in the middle of “Shuckin’ The Corn.”

The good points? You could get a coke for .50; Lance Leroy and his runnin’ pal, “Punkin” showed up; we got to see Mr. Smiff and the boys perform (don’t get to often); Mr. Smiff got paid what he was promised; it was a beautiful day and I went to Franklin, Kentucky.

I seriously do hope this venture happens for James. It has potential, however, I don’t think the folks are going to be clamoring for a seat at the upcoming Jean Shepard show.

Life ain’t so bad, even if there are water bottles with James Monroe’s picture on them.

Poop, Mexican Music & Nice Neighbors

I like to think I’m on top of things….semi-on the cutting edge of most that’s hip and happenin’. Apparently, this is not so because until this week I had never heard of Chicken Poop Lip Balm. I drove past Walgreen’s earlier in the week and on the electronic sign, it said “Chicken Poop Lip Balm 3.49.” Apparently, all the middle school kids know about it. They probably just like it because it has “Poop” in the title and gives them an excuse to say “I want some Chicken Shit Lip Balm.”

Another great discovery this week….two things tonight at El Rodeo in Hendersonville. They had a fantastic Mexican trio “Trio Vendeval” playing and singing for our listening pleasure. You hear little bands like that here and there and they aren’t that great, but, these guys… about sing! Fantastic. They took requests and did a bangup job on “Before The Next Teardrop Falls” and other songs in spanish.

FYI…. Didja know that asking a Mexican group to do “Selito Lingo” (aka “ay yi yi yi”) is like asking a bluegrass band to do “Rocky Top?” They kinda roll their eyes and say “Oh….ok…if you insist.”

Mr. Smiff, who even though he makes his living playing music, but, yet, never listens to music because he wants to, was so into Trio Vendeval’s singing…especially their three part harmony. He was throwing requests at them left and right.

Also while visiting El Rodeo, one of the best Mexican restaurants out here, we met our cross the street and down a little neighbors, Rebecca and Bob. Pretty sad we’ve lived here for 10 years and just now met them. What an adorable little couple. Very grandparently and sweet. Funny how you can see somebody from a distance, mowing their yard and what not, but, never see them up close and still recognize them. Rebecca and Bob are the kind of people, you talk to them 2 seconds and it’s like you’ve known them forever.

I had met a down the street neighbor some months back, who had lived here for like 27 years, right before they moved. Again, sweet, sweet people and I found myself thinking, “I wish I’d have gotten to know her”. Maybe I need to get out and meet the neighbors more.

100 Things

I know the world has been waiting for this….Sista Smiff’s list of 100….here goes….

1. I went to junior high with Ashley Judd.
2. Ashley Judd had no idea who I was.
3. I also went to elementary, junior high and high school with Jeff Cease, formerly of the Black Crowes and rode the same school bus (Bus 44)
4. I have no waistline. Never have. Even at 120 lbs.
5. I have naturally curly hair.
6. My hair used to be black but has turned to a frightening salt and pepper.
7. I think every home should have a pet of some sort (preferably a dog but cats are ok)
8. I had/have an aunt named Tee Wee an uncle named “Byee” and an Uncle Nootsie. (Not real names)
9. Mr. Smiff and I almost eloped after dating less than two months.
10. We opted for a “long” engagement of six months instead.
11. Mr. Smiff and I were divorced for a year and remarried.
12. We were remarried by the same judge who unmarried us.
13. I’d rather not have gone through that experience but wouldn’t take anything for it now.
14. In a restaurant or other public place, I have to sit where I can see the entire room and everybody in it.
15. I have been an off and on again smoker since I was 16.
16. I quit for 4 years once.
17. I am a good cook.
18. I am a horrible housekeeper.
19. I am a hair under 5’4 inches tall.
20. I want every clock in my house and office to be the exact same time.
21. Mr. Smiff is 9 years older than me.
22. I love Elvis.
23. I worked as a personal assistant to a country star once.
24. I’ve never had a speeding ticket.
25. I have one sister who is 2.5 years older than me.
26. I sleep with the television on.
27. I am the youngest of many grandchildren on both of my parents’ sides.
28. I have no memory of my maternal grandparents.
29. This has always made me sad.
30. I have written a number of songs.
31. I have performed at writer’s nights.
32. I had a hold on a song by Patty Loveless once.
33. She didn’t record it.
34. I still dream of writing a hit song someday.
35. I have written a play that was performed at the Ryman Auditorium last year.
36. I dream of writing a novel someday, totally based on characters I have known.
37. I have met a ton of famous people in my lifetime.
38. I could probably do a “100 Things” of famous people I have met.
39. I do not drink alcohol and am not comfortable with it in my presence.
40. Except that once a presidential term that I will indulge in a beer or something.
41. I have worked at the same company for going on 10 years.
42. I love to hear live music.
43. I didn’t get braces until I was 34 years old.
44. I have run in 4 5K races.
45. I don’t like Starbucks coffee.
46. I love Diet Dr. Pepper.
47. I like being by myself.
48. I have a very distinct laugh.
49. I have experienced natural childbirth.
50. I don’t reccommend it.
51. I am against Homeschooling.
52. Politically, I’m in the middle.
53. But, really, politics are boring to me.
54. I can appear to be quite outgoing and extroverted, but, the truth is, I am quite shy and introverted.
55. I don’t like people to sing “Happy Birthday” to me.
56. I don’t like to talk on the phone anymore.
57. I prefer email.
58. I love rainy Thursdays.
59. I like just about every kind of music there is.
60. I had my first child when I was 22.
61. I’m not one of those PTO type of moms that lives to be in the middle of everything happening at the school.
62. I do not like shopping malls or shopping, except Wal Mart and Target.
63. I have a natural ear for harmony and a decent singing voice.
64. I can play the guitar and piano.
65. I get my nails done every two weeks.
66. I only have one purse at a time. I carry it til it falls apart, then it’s back to Target for a new one.
67. I have never been to DisneyWorld, but, have been to Disneyland a number of times.
68. I love American History.
69. I should be wearing glasses but don’t.
70. They make me feel old and I don’t like contacts. (The nails don’t mix with them)
71. I have thoroughly enjoyed every stage of parenting.
72. I don’t miss having little bitty children.
73. I have a nice speaking voice and do readings and narrations very well.
74. I love classic television shows and know obscure facts about old tv shows and movies that nobody cares about. (When I say “classic” I am not speaking of anything after 1985)
75. I have been to the Bahamas and to Mexico.
76. I love to look at photo albums, even if I don’t know the people in the pictures.
77. I hate to confront people.
78. I am very transparent. I don’t hide my feelings very well.
79. I got my GED instead of a regular diploma.
80. I have a really good memory. I remember dates, names, and very small details of moments from when I was a toddler all through school.
81. I have a really close friend in Texas that I’ve known for 6 years. I think of her as one of my closest, true blues…yet, I’ve never seen met her in person.
82. I don’t play cards.
83. I like reality shows.
84. I love Dr. Phil but can’t stand his henpecking wife.
85. I am not a touchy, feely, huggy type of gal. That doesn’t mean I never hug anybody, I’d just rather do it on my own terms.
86. I am a born again, Bible thumpin’, yet, Disney lovin’ Southern Baptist. (The aforementioned does not mean I hate gay people and love Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, neither)
87. I used to love roller coasters…big, huge ones, but, now they give me headaches.
88. I miss Opryland…the Flume Zoom, the Wabash Cannonball, the Tennessee Waltz and the Rockin’ Rollercoaster.
89. I love the movie “Gone With The Wind” so much, I named one of my children after something in it.
90. I have never danced with my husband. (He can’t)
91. I do a once a year flip on the trampoline by request of my kids.
92. I can still do the splits.
93. The recessional at my wedding was “Christmas Time’s A’ Comin'”.
94. The processional was some classical song that I don’t even know the name of. Alls I knew was I did NOT want “Here Comes The Bride” played. I wanted to walk in to “A Maiden’s Prayer” but they played that before.
95. I can wake up without an alarm.
96. I don’t think life is about achieving happiness, but, rather contentment.
97. I believe a pop on the behind does not harm a child or their self esteem.
98. I have rarely ever popped any of my children on the behind in their lives.
99. I think my three kids and Mr. Smiff are four of the funniest people on earth.
100. I’m a blessed woman.

High Fives For All

Did you know today is a National Holiday?

Let me be the first to wish you and yours a blessed NH5D.

All I Have To Do Is Dream

I don’t know how I feel about dream interpretation. Sometimes I think dreams mean something and other times I don’t. It’s not something I really spend much time pondering, except for today.

I’m not much of a heel wearer. I don’t know why I never got into wearing high heels. I admire them on other people, but, am not the most confident when I wear them, nor do I find them comfortable. I blame this largely on my mother who never would allow my sister or me to get a pair of Candies. Because of being denied the opportunity to be extremely hip in 1980, I’m doomed for flats and stuff. Life is tough.

I decided this last week, after seeing co-worker Andrea’s cuter-than-cute wedges she was wearing that maybe I could pull off, not heels, but the wedge so I bought me some. I made it through Sunday without falling and felt ok in them.

Last night, in thinking of what I was going to wear today, I thought “Hey, I’ll wear my new, cuter-than-cute wedges.” Heck yeah, why not? I can wear wedges with the best of them.

Then, last night I dreamed I was at work (one of those dreams where it didn’t look like work, but, I knew it was work…somehow). There was this huge flight of stairs and in the dream, I took quite a tumble and the last thing I remember is one of our facility guys, Larry, carting me off to the hospital. Then, my plight of not dealing well with the flight of stairs and my wedges was the featured cover story on the front of our weekly, company wide newsletter…full story, complete with pictures of the whole thing.

I took this dream as God telling me “Do not wear the cuter-than-cute wedges.” I borrowed my daughter’s new cuter-than-cute flip-flops instead.

We’ll Be Right Back

It’s not too often we get bluegrass festivals around these parts. Why, I do not know, but, it’s true. The Armistead’s host a fantastic one every October up at Smiley Hollow in Ridgetop and that one’s worth putting on your calendar.

Smiley Hollow is the coolest place. I had heard about it for years but never had the opportunity to go until this past fall and I went twice in as many weeks, once for the Armistead’s festival and then a church thing. I think Smiley Hollow is one of the Nashville area’s best keep secrets.

Anyway, there is a bluegrass festival this weekend up the road in Franklin, Kentucky, hosted by James Monroe. The Grascals will be there and a bunch of other people, including, Larry Sparks, Leroy Troy , Bobby Osborne and Roni Stoneman. Yes, THAT Roni Stoneman…one half of “The Naggers” on “Hee Haw”. You know, the rather unkempt woman who beats her husband with the rolling pin. Mr. Smiff is somewhat looking forward to getting to see Roni again after working with her on an IBMA breakfast last fall. He said Roni is the only person he knows who talks about the Lord and sex all in one breath.

I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest laughing today when he recollected Roni talking about the Lord and His will in one sentence, then picking up a sausage link she was serving and announcing “Now that right there wouldn’t do me a BIT of good!”

Speaking of Hee Haw, we had a Kornfield moment tonight at the Cracker Barrel on Music Valley Dr. Mr. Smiff, Grandma and #2 had finished eating and I saw Grandma speaking with an older gentleman and I didn’t know who it was until they started walking towards us and I recognized the great, most awesome-ist drummer ever in Nashville, Willie Ackerman. Willie was part of the legendary “A Team” of session musicians that included Charlie McCoy, Bob Moore, Hargus “Pig” Robbins, etc. AND he was the drummer on Hee Haw for years.

#2 is a Hee Haw nut, thanks to the dvd’s we got for Christmas last year. This kid is just crazy about Roy Clark, Archie Campbell and Jimmy Riddle and Jackie Phelps (the eefin’ and eyefin’ guys). #2 has been known to run around chanting “We’ll be right back” like Jimmy, Jackie and Willie used to do when they were going to commercial. Willie, who is not quite as hyper and mobile as he was back in the day, due to a stroke and is now white headed, was not immediately recognized by #2 until I told him “It’s the ‘We’ll Be Right Back’ guy”. #2 lit up and and I thought he was going to melt when Willie shook his hand.

Willie got a huge kick out of #2’s demonstration of “eefin and eyefin”. Neat moment that I wished I’d have had the camera with me to snap a picture.

Nashville is so great…… I don’t care who ya are.

What’d Life Be Without Homegrown Tomatoes?

It’s officially spring for me when I get petunias. I absolutely love petunias…the colors, the smell. I don’t claim a green thumb, but, I can grow some nice petunias at my house.

Somebody told me years ago the secret to good petunias is keeping them pinched back. I’m so obsessive about pinching back petunias, I find myself in public places, where they may not be so well tended like on Church St. in Downtown Nashville or at the YMCA where we swim every summer, pinching them back if they need it. People probably think I’m nuts.

Impatiens are another good flower that are as tough as they come. They like shade and lots of water. I’ve had years where I’ve had impatiens near about as tall as my youngest son. The dogs like the impatien garden too. Last year, they made it one of their favorite laying spots in the yard. Needless to say, my impatiens last year weren’t that tall or quite as pretty as I’ve had them in years past.

Mr. Smiff thinks it’s silly for me to bother planting anything in the ground because the dogs go right to it and either step on them, lay on them or dig them up, just for kicks. Even so, I feel the need to plant something every spring. It’s kinda like what Ouiser said in “Steel Magnolias”. She planted tomatoes every year because she was an “old, Southern woman” and we just feel the need to plant stuff every year.

One thing I will not be planting this year is tomatoes. We claim to love homegrown tomatoes at our house, but, they sit in the window sill til they rot and the gnats become a problem. We’ll just get our Homegrowns this year from my brother in law’s garden or Farmer’s Market.

Guy Clark was so right when he said that the only two things that money can’t buy are true love and homegrown tomaters. Well, you can buy them, but, there is something special about picking them out of your yard, bringing it in and making a tomato sandwich on white, Wonder bread and Hellman’s mayonnaise.

On second thought, I think I will plant me a tomato plant or two.