Funny Hazel Quote of the Week

Hazel says a lot of funny things. Most days you’ll get some sort of funny quip or quote from her on a myriad of subjects from sex to the proper way to make green beans. (No onions in them.)

So, I’m counting Weight Watcher points and I’ve had a really good week. It’s been like withdrawal from heroin. Amazing the times I find myself reaching for food when I, like, shouldn’t. I’ve been to the Y and ran (ok JOGGED) a couple days, trying to get back in the swing and make a better, healthier Sista. One day at a time, sweet Jesus.

Tonight, me and #2 decided we’d come visit Grandma Hazel and Nephew and Niece Smiff (she’s about 15 months old). I stopped and got me a Healthy Choice Chicken Parmigian for my suppah and was going to stop at McDonald’s (bad mother) for #2. Hazel calls and says she has meatloaf. I can’t handle meatloaf. It’s one of my trigger foods and one of my specialties that I make. I know myself around meatloaf and it ain’t purty.

I called Mr. Smiff (who is playing this very minute at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa) if Grandma would be mad if I brought my Healthy Choice to her house and ate it. “No..you are bettering yourself.” I was still scared to bring something into her house like a frozen thing. I didn’t want to insult her on her turf.

I got my nerve up and said “Um, I hope you don’t mind that I brought this with me. I didn’t know we were going to eat here and I’m trying to eat right, yada, yada”.

Hazel took a long pause and said “Well…lah tee dah!”

You will get to see Hazel on her very own tv show on CMT on the first of October. They’re doing a show like Dinner and A Movie, but, it’s called Southern Fried Flicks. Watch for it.

Bridges Brokem

The whole idea of Toby Keith starring in a movie stirs up about as much anticipation and excitement in me as getting a root canal. According to the Tennessean, we can all rest easy tonight because this blockbuster is just the FIRST of more movies to come from the Tobster. YAY!

What previews I’ve seen, the acting can be compared with Lorrie Morgan’s acting debut back in 1993. When I think of Lorrie acting, I think of that skit they used to do on either SNL or In Living Color where it made fun of over acting by African American’s.

I got SOOO tickled at Kelly Preston at the premiere at the Ryman last night, trying to convince us she is “country.” In spite of being born and raised in Hawaii, saith Mrs. Travolta, she “gets that whole feeling of community.” Say what? Where’d she learn that from? L. Ron Hubbard?

Gimme a break. This hits me like the Love Boat episode where Florence Henderson played a country singer, complete with “yee haws”.

Why I Don’t Want To Leave

We have a sweet, older, black lady who works here in our cafeteria named Delores. Delores works in the deli, making sandwiches. I don’t know how long she’s been here, but, she’s been making me sandwiches for a long time. She knows what kind of bread I like, that I like regular turkey, as opposed to smoked; she knows I don’t want a pickle with my sandiwch. Our conversations have never strayed from things having to do with sandwiches. Delores is not one for small talk. She has sandwiches to make for people. Still, she’s part of my life here where I work. One of those comforting, familiar faces that I have come to love over the last 10 years.

Word gets around because Delores just asked me, “Are you leaving?” I told her “Yeah, unless I find something else, which I’m working on.” “Well” Delores says, “I sure hope you find something else.” I thanked her and went on to pay for my stuff.

When I got back up to my desk to eat my turkey sandwich, I noticed Delores had put extra turkey on there. She usually puts the exact same amount of meat on each sandwich, but, this one had noticeably much more than usual. I guess the mother in her came out and she wanted to make sure I had enough meat stored for the winter. Pretty sweet.